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turning to page one
turning to page one
A different universe from the Spartan waiting area. A world of books - piles of them spilling everywhere. Two slightly shabby, but comfortable armchairs. Well-worn Turkish rug.
Hotplate and two chipped mugs. Recording apparatus. Model airplanes.
LIONEL
He’s a good lad, Willy. He could
hardly make a sound, you know, when
he first came to me.
Lionel catches Bertie staring at the airplanes.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
My boys made those. Good, aren’t
they. Please, make yourself
comfortable.
Bertie sits uneasily on an armchair. Lionel goes to sit at a distance.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
I was told not not to sit too
close.
Bertie remains silent.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
I was also told, speaking with a
Royal, one waits for the Royal to
choose the topic.
BERTIE
Waiting for me to commence a
conversation one can wait a rather
long wait.
[Although Bertie’s stammer in the consultation room will fade, it is a gradual process.]
Silence.
LIONEL
Know any jokes?
BERTIE
Timing isn’t my strong suit.
Silence. They stare at each other.
LIONEL
Cuppa tea?
BERTIE
No thank you.
LIONEL
I think I’ll have one.
Turns on the hot plate.
BERTIE
Aren’t you going to start treating
me Dr Logue?
LIONEL
Only if you’re interested in being
treated. Please, call me Lionel.
BERTIE
I prefer Doctor.
LIONEL
I prefer Lionel. What’ll I call
you?
BERTIE
Your Royal Highness, then Sir after
that.
LIONEL
A bit formal for here. What about
your name?
BERTIE
Prince Albert Frederick Arthur
George?
LIONEL
How about Bertie?
BERTIE
(flushes)
Only my family uses that.
LIONEL
Perfect. In here, it’s better if
we’re equals.
BERTIE
If we were equal I wouldn’t be
here. I’d be at home with my wife
and no-one would give a damn.
Bertie starts to light a cigarette from a silver case.
LIONEL
Don’t do that.
Bertie gives him an astonished look.
BERTIE
I’m sorry?
LIONEL
Sucking smoke into your lungs will
kill you.
BERTIE
My physicians say it relaxes the
throat.
LIONEL
They’re idiots.
BERTIE
They’ve all been knighted.
LIONEL
Makes it official then. My
‘castle’, my rules. What was your
earliest memory?
BERTIE
What an earth do you mean?
LIONEL
First recollection.
BERTIE
(stammer growing in intensity)
I’m not here to discuss personal
matters.
LIONEL
Why’re you here then?
BERTIE
(exploding - stammer free)
Because I bloody well stammer!
LIONEL
Temper.
BERTIE
One of my many faults.
LIONEL
When did the defect start?
BERTIE
I’ve always been this way!
LIONEL
(quietly)
I doubt that.
BERTIE
Don’t tell me! It’s my defect!
LIONEL
(calmly)
It’s my field. I assure you, no
infant starts to speak with a
stammer. When did it start?
BERTIE
(annoyed)
Four or five.
LIONEL
That’s typical.
BERTIE
So I’ve been told.
(quickly adds)
I can’t remember not doing it.
LIONEL
That I believe. Do you hesitate
when you think?
BERTIE
Don’t be ridiculous.
LIONEL
One of my many faults. How about
when you talk to yourself?
Bertie is silent.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
Everyone natters occasionally,
Bertie.
BERTIE
Stop calling me that!
LIONEL
I’m not going to call you anything
else.
BERTIE
Then we shan’t speak!
Silence. The kettle whistles. Lionel makes himself a cup of tea.
BERTIE (CONT’D)
Are you charging for this, Doctor?
LIONEL
A fortune. So, Bertie...when you
talk to yourself, do you stammer?
BERTIE
Of course not!
LIONEL
Thus proving your impediment isn’t
a permanent part of you. What do
you think was the cause?
BERTIE
I don’t know! I don’t care! I
stammer. And no one can fix it.
LIONEL
Bet you, Bertie, you can read
flawlessly, right here, right now.
Bertie snorts dismissively.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
And if I win, I get to ask
questions.
BERTIE
And if I win?
LIONEL
You don’t have to answer.
BERTIE
One usually wagers money.
LIONEL
A bob each to sweeten it? See your
shilling.
BERTIE
I don’t carry cash.
LIONEL
I had a funny feeling you mightn’t.
Logue fishes two coins from his pocket and puts them on the table.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
Stake you. Pay me back next time.
BERTIE
If there is a next time.
LIONEL
(nods)
I haven’t agreed to take you on.
Logue has uncovered a piece of apparatus, a recording device with earphones. He sets a blank disc onto the turntable and positions a microphone, then hands Bertie an open book. Bertie glares at it defiantly.
BERTIE
I can’t possibly read this.
LIONEL
Then you owe me a shilling for not
trying.
Furious, Bertie opens the book and reads, stammers badly and gets worse.
BERTIE
“To be or not to be, That is the
question. Whether it is wiser...”
There!
He hands the book back to Lionel.
BERTIE (CONT’D)
I can’t read!
LIONEL
I haven’t finished yet.
Lionel returns the book to Bertie and turns to some recording apparatus on a nearby table.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
I’m going to record your voice and
then play it back to you on the
same machine. This is brilliant.
It’s the latest thing from America:
a Silvertone.
He hands Bertie a pair of heavily padded earphones. Bertie doesn’t want to take them.
LIONEL (CONT’D)
There’s a bob in this, mate. You
can go home rich!
Bertie reluctantly puts them on. Logue turns a dial. LOUD MUSIC is heard. Bertie takes off the earphones. The music stops.
BERTIE
You’re playing music.
LIONEL
I know.
BERTIE
How can I hear what I’m saying?!
LIONEL
Surely a Prince’s brain knows what
its mouth is doing?
BERTIE
You’re not well acquainted with
Royal Princes, are you?
Bertie replaces the earphones. Again, the LOUD MUSIC. His mouth moves as he reads, but all that can be heard is the music.
Finished, Bertie takes off the earphones and the music ceases. Bertie reaches for the coins, but Logue snatches them.
BERTIE (CONT’D)
Hopeless. Hopeless!
LIONEL
You were sublime. Would I lie to a
prince of the realm to win twelve-
pence?
BERTIE
I’ve no idea what an Australian
might do for that sort of money.
LIONEL
Shall I play it?
BERTIE
No.
LIONEL
If you prefer, we’ll just get on to
the questions.
BERTIE
Thank you Doctor, I don’t feel this
is for me.
He heads for the door. Logue puts the record in a brown paper dust jacket and hands it to Bertie.
LIONEL
Sir? The recording is free. Please
keep it as a souvenir?
Lionel opens the door for Bertie and closes it behind him