· · ·
turning to page one
turning to page one
Kaufman, hair combed, sits nervously in a booth, watching Alice. He tenses as she comes up to him. She smiles warmly.
KAUFMAN
Hi!
ALICE
Hey! Some key lime pie for ya today?
KAUFMAN
(thrilled she remembered)
Okay, yeah! That sounds great! Yeah!
ALICE
I'll pick you out an extra large piece.
Preferred customer.
She winks at him. He's so in love.
KAUFMAN
Thank you. That's really sweet of you.
ALICE
Still reading about orchids, I hope.
KAUFMAN
Yes, I am, in fact! Beautiful flowers.
ALICE
A friend of mine has a pretty little pink
one, grows right on a tree branch.
KAUFMAN
That's what's called an epiphyte.
ALICE
(pointing at him excitedly)
Right! Boy, you know your stuff, huh?
KAUFMAN
Not really. I'm just learning.
Epiphytes grow on trees, but they're not
parasites. They get all their
nourishment from the air and rain.
ALICE
Well, I'm impressed. That's great.
Awkward pause.
KAUFMAN
There are more than thirty thousand kinds
of orchids in the world.
ALICE
Wow, that's a lot, huh? Okay, then, so
I'll be right back with a nice big slice
of key lime pie for my orchid expert.
He beams. She smiles and turns to leave. Kaufman blurts:
CONTINUED: (2)
KAUFMAN
But, so, anyway, I was also wondering...
Alice turns back, still smiling.
KAUFMAN (cont'd)
I'm going up to this orchid show on
Saturday in Santa Barbara and I --
Alice's smile slips away. Her warmth dissipates.
ALICE
Oh, um, well --
KAUFMAN
I'm sorry. I apologize. I'm sorry.
ALICE
(nodding)
So I'll be right back with your pie then.
He nods, watches Alice walk away and say something to another waitress. The other waitress looks over at him. He sweats.
KAUFMAN (V.O.)
I am fat. I am old. I am repulsive.
The other waitress brings his pie. He smiles a thank you.