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turning to page one
Mom sits at the kitchen table surrounded by bills and papers. Mason comes down the stairs.
MASON
Morning.
MOM
Morning. Hey, which one of you guys
used the downstairs bathroom last
night?
MASON
I don't know. I didn't.
MOM
That tall guy, what's his name?
MASON
Phillip?
MOM
Yeah, Phillip. He did it. Can
Phillip read? I mean, there's a big
sign on the door, it says, "Do not
use this bathroom, it's broken." I
mean, how difficult is that?
MASON
I don't know. I'm sorry.
Mason prepares cereal.
MOM
I think I'm gonna put the house on
the market.
MASON
Why?
MOM
This house is too big for us. I
mean, you're going to school
eventually... It's too expensive.
I'm done.
MASON
Well why did you even buy it in the
first place, then?
MOM
Because I really enjoy making poor
life decisions, keeping us on the
brink of poverty. I mean, I've spent
the first half of my life acquiring
all this crap and now I'm gonna spend
the second half of my life getting
rid of all this stuff.
MASON
Really? Like what?
MOM
Like - Well, I got rid of a couple
husbands, now I'm gonna get rid of a
mortgage, some maintenance, the
tchotchkes, the, the homeowner's
insurance, the property tax, the
plumbing... Ahhh. You know what?
From now on I am gonna be Mommy Monk.
Simple. Celibate.
MASON
Don't be gross, Mom.
MOM
Fine. I'll be a poor whore with a
big house.
(Laughs)
Is that better?
MASON
Okay.
Mason starts to walk away.
MOM
Mason -- Mason, please, don't leave
me that dirty dish to wash.
MASON
I do dishes all day.
MOM
Well, great honey, then you're a
professional. Come on, you could do
one or two more for you poor old
mom.
Mason walks over to the sink.
MASON
Okay.
MOM
Thank you.