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turning to page one
turning to page one
They sit around a table talking.
DAD (O.S.)
And what is it that you do at these
parties?
SAMANTHA
I don't know... talk, dance, listen
to music.
DAD
Uh-huh. And that's more fun to you
than going camping with your brother
and your father who love you?
SAMANTHA
Yes. Sorry.
DAD
Wow. Is there gonna be alcohol there?
SAMANTHA
Probably not. Maybe some of the
seniors.
DAD
Mm-hmm. I know what this party is.
The parents are out of town, right?
Somebody's uh, scored a keg, right...
You guys are gonna have a good time,
trash the whole house... Right? Am
I right?
SAMANTHA
No.
DAD (O.S.)
No? No?
SAMANTHA
No, Dad. Amy's really responsible.
DAD
Mm-hmm. Who's gonna be there?
SAMANTHA
Marie, Christine, Amy... Everyone.
DAD
Is uh, is that guy on your Facebook
page, is he gonna be there? Hm?
SAMANTHA
Who?
DAD
Come on, the guy that has got his
arm wrapped around you with his hair
over his eyes and --
SAMANTHA
Garrett?
DAD
Garrett, is that his name? Alright,
is Garrett gonna be there?
SAMANTHA
Probably?
DAD
Probably.
(to Mason)
Uh-huh, you see? I learn more about
from our scintillating conversation.
(to Samantha)
Is he your boyfriend?
SAMANTHA
Kind of.
Dad turns to Mason for further information.
DAD
Have you met him? Has he been around
the house?
MASON
Sometimes.
DAD
Sometime-zz? Zzz?
Dad turns his attention back to Samantha.
DAD (CONT'D)
You have a boyfriend... Wow. Have
you heard of Sarah Palin?
SAMANTHA
Yes.
DAD
What's the one thing that you know
about Sarah Palin's seventeen year
old daughter?
SAMANTHA
She's pregnant?
DAD
That's right. And what is the one
thing that you are not going to be
in a couple of years when you turn
seventeen?
SAMANTHA
Pregnant?
DAD
That's right! Alright, now what are
the, the two ways that you can achieve
that goal? The first is... not have
any sex. Okay? That's the first
way. Okay? Just not engage in that.
That did not work out very well for
your mother and me. And what's the
second way?
Mason stands to leave the table.
DAD (CONT'D)
Where are you going?
MASON
Bathroom.
DAD
You don't have to go to the bathroom.
Sit down, Mason. Just... Just sit
down. What's the second way?
Alright? Has your mother talked to
you guys about this stuff?
SAMANTHA
Oh, Dad. Dad.
DAD
No, come on. Has she talked to you
about... contraception?
The kids are visibly uncomfortable with the conversation.
DAD (CONT'D)
Huh? What has she -- condoms? Has
she talked about that?
SAMANTHA (O.S.)
Oh, Dad. Please!
DAD
What? What?
SAMANTHA
That's enough.
DAD
Well. Does Garret have a condom?
SAMANTHA
Ohh! God! Dad!
DAD
What? What, come on Sam. We have
to be able to talk about this.
Alright? Come on, we do. We can do
it. We can do it. Just stay with
me here. Alright? It's as hard for
me as it is for you. But, seriously
though, alright, I read an article
in the paper the other day... that
said that although U.S. teenagers
are not the most sexually active, we
have the highest rate of teenage
pregnancy. Okay?
A woman, TAMMY, walks up to the table, interrupting their conversation.
TAMMY
Hey. What's goin' on?
DAD
Oh, hey. Hey, Tammy. How you doin'?
Dad stands to greet Tammy.
TAMMY
Nice to see you.
DAD
Wow, yeah, good to see you. Um,
Tammy, this is my daughter Samantha.
TAMMY
Hey.
DAD
And this is Mason Junior right here.
Tammy.
TAMMY (O.S.)
Mason Junior.
DAD (O.S.)
Say hi.
MASON
Hi.
TAMMY
Hi, Mason. Nice to meet you. Heard
a lot about you guys.
DAD
Yeah, yeah. What're you doin' here?
You uh...
TAMMY
Oh, I'm just here with some friends.
DAD
Oh, well, uh....
TAMMY
Yeah. What are you guys up to?
Dad sits back down at the table.
DAD
Um, we're going camping. Well no,
this one is not going camping. This
one is going to a party.
TAMMY
(to Samantha)
Ohh... Fun.
DAD
We, the men, are going camping.
TAMMY
Boys are going camping. Alright,
very nice. Well uh, we still on for
tomorrow or...?
DAD (O.S.)
Yeah --
TAMMY
Yeah?
DAD
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'll drop him
off at seven and then I'll just call
you, alright?
TAMMY
Okay. Great. It was really nice
meeting you both. Take care.
DAD
I'll see you.
TAMMY
Talk to you soon. Bye.
Tammy walks away. Mason smirks at his dad.
DAD
Don't -- don't, don't look at me
like that, alright? I just -- look,
just to finish the point -- okay? I
was twenty-three when your mom had
you, alright? So was she, alright?
And we didn't put ourselves in the
best position to be great parents,
and I wish that -- I wish I were a
better parent to you guys. Alright?
And I, I hope that you can learn
from my mistakes. Okay? So, wear a
condom. Or get Garrett to -- I don't
know. Whatever.
Samantha cringes, as Dad laughs. Mason can't help but smile.