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turning to page one
turning to page one
Old lady shopkeeper, MRS O’RIORDAN, up a ladder, while MRS MCCORMICK sits oddly on a strange chair, elbows on wide knees, like a man. They nod a hello.
PADRAIC
Hello there, Mrs O’Riordan, I’ve the
milk outside for ya, so it’s the two
weeks you owe me now, I think.
MRS O’RIORDAN *
Nobody has a lick o’ news for us from
your side of the island, Padraic. Are
you going to be the same as them?
PADRAIC
I am, Mrs O’Riordan, I’m afraid. And
I’m in a bit of a rush, so...
MRS O’RIORDAN
(descending) *
Your sister had no news. Eileen
Coughlan had no news. Vincent
Shaughnessy had no news.
PADRAIC
I suppose it’s a poor oul week for
news. But then it is, sometimes.
MRS O’RIORDAN
ColmSonnyLarry, he had no news.
PADRAIC
Did he not?
A smile from MRS MCCORMICK.
MRS O’RIORDAN
That man never talks.
PADRAIC
He talks sometimes.
MRS O’RIORDAN
Up himself.
PADRAIC *
I don’t know about that, now. *
MRS O’RIORDAN
Fiona McKenna. She had no news.
PADRAIC
Aye, aye, anyways, so it’s the two
weeks you owe me for now, Mrs
O’Riordan. As I was saying. *
She begrudgingly opens the till and is just about to pay him, * when PEADAR, in uniform, enters, squeezes some produce, ignores PADRAIC.
PEADAR
Ladies.
MRS O’RIORDAN
Oh, it’s Peadar. Peadar always has a rake
of news. What news have you, Peadar?
PEADAR
News, is it?
(thinks)
Fella killed himself, o’er Rosmuck way.
Walked into a lake for himself. Twenty-
nine and nothing wrong with him, the fool.
MRS O’RIORDAN
God love us!
PEADAR
No, not ‘God love us”. Fool. Another
fella, Protestant of course, stabbed
his missus in Letterkenny. Six times he
stabbed her.
MRS O’RIORDAN
Good God, and did she die, Peadar?
PEADAR
She did die, aye. It wasn’t with a
spoon he was stabbing her. Killed the
baby too.
MRS O’RIORDAN
He killed the baby too?!
PEADAR
Well the baby was still inside her,
like. He didn’t go out of his way to
kill the baby. He just aimed well. Or
well enough.
(yawning)
Two birds with one stone, as they say.
And there’s some kind of funny sheep
disease going around Leitrum. Which is
only to be expected, Leitrum’s sense of
hygiene. If not decorum.
MRS O’RIORDAN
That’s a lot of news. This man has no
news. Don’t you not, No-Newsy?
PEADAR
Stukes never have news.
MRS O’RIORDAN
Stukes! Funny.
PADRAIC
There was a bit of news I remembered,
Mrs O’Riordan.
Dominic Kearney’s father beat Dominic
senseless with a kettle Saturday, and
it’s staying with me and me sister
Dominic is, so’s at least his father’ll
take a bit of a break from his beating
of him, and him a policeman. Isn’t that
news?
PEADAR just stares at him.
MRS O’RIORDAN
Ar that Dominic’s an awful little
bollocks. That’s no news.
PADRAIC
Still... he was in a bad way when I
came upon him...
MRS O’RIORDAN
I’d beat him with a kettle meself if I
wasn’t old.
PADRAIC
It’s news is all, I’m saying.
MRS O’RIORDAN
That’s no news. That’s shite news.
She puts his money on the counter, & he picks it up. *
PADRAIC
Alright so, Mrs O’Riordan, thanks for
the... I’ll see ya when I see ya.
A look between PEADAR & PADRAIC, as PADRAIC passes & exits.