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turning to page one
turning to page one
Show is in progress with Brie and Jack hosting.
JACK BREMMER
It’s called “Total Devastation.” It
cost 300 million dollars to make. I
mean these movies...
BRIE EVANTEE
It’s more than you earn!
JACK BREMMER
(laughs)
Tell me about it. And my friend
Farley saw it and says it’s a ton
of fun.
BRIE EVANTEE
Alright well, what Farley says
goes.
But first, and you can tell by my
smile, that America’s sexiest
scientist is here. Dr. Randall.
Welcome.
Randall seems tense and awkward. The studio lights somehow brighter.
JACK BREMMER
Dr. Randall. How are you sir?
RANDALL
I’m good. Gooder... than good!
Tiny awkward beat. Tepid laughs from the crew.
BRIE EVANTEE
So Randall, we’re hearing there’s
no comet, that there is a comet but
it’s a good thing, or maybe it’s a
bad thing. We are so confused.
BRIE EVANTEE (CONT'D)
So could you please help us out
here, oh, wise scientist?
RANDALL
Well... uh...first and foremost,
Brie, there most certainly is a
comet.
BRIE EVANTEE
All right.
RANDALL
And we know that there is a comet
because we have the data. There has
been growing concern within the
scientific community as of late.
You see, the peer-review process is
absolutely essential...
JACK BREMMER
Well listen, if BASH’s stock is any
worry about the peer review. It is
going gangbusters. And listen, full
disclosure, I bought as many shares
as I could. I advise you to do the
same.
BRIE EVANTEE
You are such a shameless
capitalist.
JACK BREMMER
Said the woman who will be in the
brand-new hot tub on my back deck
when I put it in.
BRIE EVANTEE
He knows me too well. Dr. Randall,
are you sure you’re okay? Do you
want a glass of water?
RANDALL
I don’t feel so well...
BRIE EVANTEE
Okay...Well, we’re going to go to a
commercial and come back-
RANDALL
NO please Brie, don’t cut away. Let
me say something.
JACK BREMMER
Well you came to the right place.
Because on this show, we like to
say things.
RANDALL
WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING SO
FUCKING PLEASANT!
Everyone goes quiet.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
I’m sorry. Not everything needs to
sound so goddamn clever or charming
or likable all the time. Sometimes,
we just need to be able to say
things to one another. We need to
hear things. Look, let’s establish,
once again, that there is a huge
comet headed towards Earth. And the
reason we know that there is a
coment is because we saw it. We saw
it with our own eyes using a
telescope. I mean, for God’s sake,
we took a FUCKING PICTURE OF IT!
What other proof do we need? And if
we can’t all agree at the bare
minimum that a giant comet the size
of Mount Everest hurtling its way
toward planet Earth is NOT A
FUCKING GOOD THING, then what the
hell happened to us?
I mean, my God, how do- How do we
even talk to each other? What have
we done to ourselves? How do we fix
it? We should’ve deflected this
comet when we had the fucking
chance, but we didn’t do it. I
don’t know why we didn’t do it.
Brie, Jack, and the crew stare at Randall with concern.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
And now they’re actually firing
scientists like me for speaking
out, for opposing them. And I;m
sure many of the people out there
aren’t even going to listen to what
I just said because they have their
own political ideaology. But, I
assure you, I am not on one side or
the other. I’m just telling you the
fucking truth.
BRIE EVANTEE
I think this would be a good time
to establish that Isherwell and the
President that there’s benefits to
be had-
RANDALL
Right, well, the President of the
United States is FUCKING LYING.
Look, I’m just like all of you...I
hope to GOD, I hope to GOD that
this President knows what she’s
doing... I hope she’s got us all
taken care of. But the truth is, I
think this whole administration has
COMPLETELY LOST THEIR FUCKING MIND.
AND I THINK WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.
(softly)
Look, I just wanna go home. I just
wanna go home more than anything.
(breathing heavily)
But if there is one thing, one
thing that I pray that all of you
hear from what I have just said...
is that all of us, all of us-