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Browse what happens, then open the scene. Summaries may reveal later events.
BLACK.
A tea kettle whistles.
OPEN ON:
Boiling water pours into a mug with a tea bag.
Raspberry JAM is spread on a piece of WHOLE GRAIN BREAD.
PhD candidate KATE DIBIASKY, 26, dyed red hair, rides the fine line between geeky and alternative, walks up the stairs to a desk overlooking a giant telescope.
A CARL SAGAN action figure is positioned next to the computer.
Kate types coordinates. The TELESCOPE REPOSITIONS. AND THE ROOF OPENS revealing a starry night.
And for the final preparatory touch Kate puts her ear buds in and HITS PLAY ON HER PHONE.
MUSIC: WU-TANG CLAN AINT NUTHING TO F’ WIT by Wu-Tang Clan
Kate raps along under her breath. She also SELF BEEPS any questionable words without falling off the beat.
As we hear Kate rap we cut back and forth between Kate’s COMPUTER SCREEN SHOWING A HARD TO DECIPHER IMAGE and A STUNNING REAL LIFE VIEW SPACE THAT ENDS ON A LITTLE SPIRAL GALAXY.
She clicks several photos. QUICK TIME JUMP to her looking through photos but there’s....nothing.
Kate clicks through more photos. Still nothing.
She sees something else, a small smudge of light. Quickly she takes more pictures.
JUMP CUT: She walks over to a big screen and “stretches” the photo until a clearly visible “streak” is visible in the sky.
Kate gasps and steps back to confirm what she sees is real.
She stares, jaw dropped, at a giant screen of a comet.
CUT TO:
MUSIC: RIGHT THURR by Chingy
A “Party” is coming together with a group of 4 GRAD STUDENTS in their mid 20s, DANIEL, NISHA, OLIVER, WIN and their PROFESSOR from Michigan State, PROFESSOR RANDALL MINDY, 50s, Midwestern, bearded, not so ambitious since he got tenure.
RANDALL
This is nuts!! This is so crazy...
NISHA
I’ve got a hard cider and a bag of
Crossbone Crunch!
WIN
It’s a party.
RANDALL
I’m just so, so thrilled for you
Kate.
(raises a glass)
To “Comet Dibiasky.” Right? Cheers!
Randall is transfixed by the pictures.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
It’s got to be an Oort cloud comet
just based on where you saw it.
Probably the last time it got this
close to the sun was long before
human civilization. Look at the arc
on that thing. My god that’s
amazing.
NISHA
How would we find out the comet’s
velocity and orbit Professor Mindy?
RANDALL
What a great question. I haven’t
done orbital dynamics since Grad
school. The question is, “What
would Carl Sagan do?” He would take
it back to first principles.
Randall wheels over a white board. He begins to draw the XYZ Axis from FIGURE 1.
Daniel hands him a battered textbook.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
The topocentric vector is rho...
Kate, what are the initial
coordinates?
Kate is on her laptop.
KATE
21....24...13...
Quick time dashes as Randall writes more and more equations on the board and flips through the textbook.
RANDALL
This is fun, huh guys?
KATE RANDALL (CONT'D)
67... Wow, now you’re got me
pumped.
WIN RANDALL (CONT'D) Uh, Doctor Mindy, how many All right, um-- This is a terms do you have to good approximation according calculate to induce the FNG to Marsden eighty-five. function?
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Now that we have the comets orbit.
We will check the ephemeris. And
that will give us the distance
between the comet and earth.
Randall continues to map out the results on the white board.
KATE
Why does the ephemeris keep getting
lower and lower?
Randall writes the last part of FIGURE 2.
And then finally...he writes “O.OO”
His hand is frozen with the marker in it in front of the board.
KATE (CONT'D)
Professor Mindy?
(beat)
Professor Mindy?
Randall quickly erases the “0.00”
RANDALL
You know what guys? Let’s, uh, call
it a night, huh?
WIN
But what’s the relative position?
RANDALL
I can’t figure it out, guys. Not
tonight, sorry.
DANIEL
You know what, I’m beat.
NISHA
Me too.
DANIEL
Kate this was amazing.
The Grad students shuffle off. Randall hasn’t taken his eyes off the board.
RANDALL
Hey Kate?...you stay.
QUOTE AGAINST BLACK:
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.” - Jack Handey
L/3 “NASA HEADQUARTERS, KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, FLORIDA 10:42 AM”
DR. JOCELYN CALDER, early 50s and political player, comes walking down a hallway fast in a sharp business suit.
Calder takes the phone from a NASA SCIENTIST.
NASA SCIENTIST
Dr. Calder. A Michigan State
Professor and his grad students are
at Subaru--
DR. CALDER
(ignores him)
This is Dr. Calder. You’ve just
pulled me out of a meeting where I
had to tell my team we’ve lost 8
billion in funding.
RANDALL
I am so sorry Dr. Calder. But we
are seeing some awfully strange
orbital numbers on this comet we
just found. They should be in your
inbox.
Data and pictures are on the computer screen in front of Dr. Calder. Dr. Calder takes a look.
DR. CALDER
Okay... Hmm...yeah, yeah, okay...
(beat)
Let me get Doctor Oglethorpe on the
line. Please hold.
RANDALL
I’m on hold... She’s calling a
Doctor Oglethorpe. Who is that?
Kate on her phone.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Jesus Christ, who is that? I’m
gonna put them on speaker.
Hold music plays.
KATE
Dr. Oglethorpe: the head of the
Planetary Defense Coordination
Office in Washington DC.
(and then)
Is that a real place?
An image of the actual Planetary Defense Coordination Office logo appears on screen.
L/3 “THE PLANETARY DEFENSE COORDINATION OFFICE (YES, IT’S A REAL PLACE)
A collection of bland buildings in the Nation’s capital.
An African American man, late fifties, DR. CLAYTON “TEDDY” OGLETHORPE, whip sharp, seen it all, answers his phone as he walks into the building THROUGH A LIGHT SUN SHOWER.
DR. OGLETHORPE
This is Dr. Oglethorpe...
DR. CALDER
Yes, this is Jocelyn Calder from
Kennedy Space Center.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Hey Jocelyn.
Dr. Calder reads more and more print outs.
DR. CALDER
Listen we got a sighting of an
N.E.O. from Suburu Telescope.
INTERCUT ALL THREE CONVERSATIONS as Teddy makes his way into the building and waits for an elevator.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Ok, why didn’t you just report it
to the Minor Planet Center.
DR. CALDER
The Professor and a bunch of
Michigan State students who
identified something big.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Really? How large?
DR. CALDER
(to the NASA Scientist)
How big we talking?
NASA SCIENTIST
We clocked it in at about 5 to 10
kilometers wide.
DR. CALDER
About 5 to 10 kilometers wide.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Uh...that’s a big boy.
(beat)
And was this Professor the one who
made the observation?
Randall chimes in.
RANDALL
Uh, hi, yes, Dr. Mindy. And no, PHD
candidate Kate Dibiasky found it, I
did the orbital calculations. I
study um, trace gases in dead
galaxies. I haven’t published in
awhile so you probably haven’t
heard of me - but that doesn’t
matter obviously - sorry.
DR. OGLETHORPE
And what are the most updated
estimates on its trajectory?
Kate does more calculations on her Matlabs.
KATE
I’ve been running it all day, I
keep getting the same result. A
direct hit of earth in 6 months and
14 days.
RANDALL
Me too.
DR. CALDER
Mathew, what are your calculations?
NASA SCIENTIST
Our scout program is saying...6
months, 14 days.
DR. CALDER
We’ve got 6 months and 14 days.
DR. OGLETHORPE
And it’s roughly 5 to 10 kilometers
wide. Which means...
RANDALL
...Isn’t that an extinction level
event?
A terrifying silence hits the room.
DR. CALDER
Well, let’s not be dramatic here.
DR. OGLETHORPE DR. CALDER (CONT'D) Ok, first move is to get the Ok, let’s all calm down here! school field trip out here to DC. I need the person who first had eyes on the comet and the person in charge.
Kate and Randall look at each other.
DR. OGLETHORPE (CONT'D)
Okay we need to share this data
immediately with Cambridge, Cal
Tech and the I.A.U.
DR. CALDER
This is classified information Dr.
Oglethorpe. I serve at the
discretion of the President and her
policy is all priority intel goes
to her first.
KATE
Is this really happening?
DR. CALDER
Now let’s get the student and the
dead galaxy Professor to Hickam Air
Force Base now.
They hang up. Terrified Kate looks to Randall who begins pacing around the room.
KATE
What the hell is happening?
RANDALL
Kate! This isn’t happening right?
This isn’t real right? This is just
some sort of alternate reality?
Kate say something!
Kate leans her head back.
KATE
I gotta go get high....
QUICK CUT:
Kate and Randall, each holding a mini suit case stand on the tarmac of a full on active air force base.
A CAPTAIN comes over to them yelling above the jets.
CAPTAIN
Word is I need you both in DC fast!
Only plane we got going there is
that one!
We see a C-5 Galaxy transport plane. The nose cone of the plane (the visor) is up as a line of trucks are being offloaded. The massive rear cargo bay doors are open.
RANDALL
Okay. I’m Dr. Mindy and this is-
CAPTAIN
Go! Go! Go!
He ushers them towards the massive plane.
RANDALL
Is there any customary seating--
Kate and Randall sit in the vacant back of the plane. It’s like two football fields and is completely empty except for the two of them.
C-5 lands.
Kate and Randall emerge from the open back of the huge plane to BLINDING LIGHT.
CUT TO:
Randall and Kate, both pulling their bags on wheels walk down a hallway and catch Dr. Oglethorpe and AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES, 61, a straight ahead General with a permanent resting smirk, mid-conversation.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
Brendan?
DR. OGLETHORPE
Yeah, Brendan.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
Brendan. Oh you’d think he was--
It’s all politics Teddy.
Randall and Kate walk up.
DR. OGLETHORPE
You must be Randall and Kate. I’m
Dr. Oglethorpe but you can call me
Teddy.
RANDALL
I’m sorry, did you say your name
was....I should call you Teddy?
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
Yeah, you know we call him Teddy
because he ain’t no Teddy Bear.
General Themes, I’m the Pentagon’s
eyes on whatever this turns out to
be.
Everyone shakes hands.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES (CONT'D)
The President is famously late. And
you’ve had a long flight so.
CUT TO:
Randall, Kate, Dr. Oglethorpe and General Themes sit waiting in the hall outside the Oval Office.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
Michigan State...Spartans.
Kate nods.
KATE
Is that the oval office?
She points directly across from them.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
Yeah, that’s the Oval Office, yeah.
It’s a lot smaller than it is in
pictures.
DR. OGLETHORPE
The President should be here
shortly. She’s already been
briefed, correct Scott?
General Themes nods.
Kate whispers to Randall.
KATE
Are we really about to tell the
President of the United States that
we have just over six months before
mankind and pretty much all life on
planet earth are completely
destroyed?
RANDALL
That’s exactly what we’re about to
do.
Kate motions for the WASTEBASKET and BEGINS TO THROW UP.
MAIN TITLE: DON’T LOOK UP
Kate, Randall, Dr. Oglethorpe and Air Force General Themes are waiting... and waiting.
Finally a crisp and purposeful entourage makes it way around the corner.
IT’S THE PRESIDENT and her ADVISORS with Secret Service Detail.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Yes, I said law enforcement, but I
didn’t want...You told me that he
was clean.
The foursome stands to greet the President.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Hello Madam President. I’m Doctor
Oglethorpe. I believe Jocelyn told
you-
But THE PRESIDENT WALKS RIGHT PAST THEM and into the Oval Office.
DR. OGLETHORPE (CONT'D)
Hey, Jason? Jason?
A trailing advisor JASON, 33, is closing the doors.
JASON
What up yo?
DR. OGLETHORPE
C’mon Man. What the hell Jason?
This is real world.
JASON
Yeah, I know we need five minutes.
We’re having a problem with our
Supreme Court Nominee. Five
minutes. Thank you.
OVAL OFFICE DOORS CLOSE.
The foursome sits back down. They wait and wait.
THREE ASSISTANTS sing happy birthday to an assistant and leave balloons on the desk.
They continue to wait. Kate scrolls through her phone.
KATE
There’s a bunch of stuff about
their Nominee not being
qualified... But I don’t see any
articles about our... thing.
Dr. Oglethorpe checks his phone too.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Social media’s going on and on
about that singer Riley Bina and DJ
Chello breaking up... That’s too
bad... They seem like sweet kids.
RANDALL
I don’t know them. But that’s a
shame. Kate do you know them?
KATE
Yes. But I really don’t give a shit
right now.
Air Force General Themes returns from the coffee station with bags of Cheez-bits and bottled waters.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
Sorry but they charge an arm and
leg for this stuff. Ten a piece
should do it.
RANDALL
Of course... I’ve got Kate as well.
Here’s a twenty.
Randall gives him a twenty. Dr. Oglethorpe gives him a twenty as well.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Do you have change?
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
No. But I can ask the Marine at the-
DR. OGLETHORPE
Forget it.
After a beat of eating, Randall reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a pill. He bites the tip off and swallows with water. Kate looks at him.
RANDALL
It’s a Xanax. I can only take a
quarter or otherwise I get-
Kate takes the rest of the pill and dry swallows it.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Kate!
KATE
(mouths)
Thank you.
RANDALL
You know, you should be careful
with that much.
Shadows get long through the windows and eventually the OFFICE LIGHTS COME ON.
SFX: Air Force General Themes’ phone alarm goes off.
He immediately starts packing up his belongings.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
I’m very sorry. But I have to be in
Okinawa by two o’clock tomorrow.
KATE
Really? Are you serious? This
is...very important.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
I have to go quell the natives.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Tell your daughter I said hi.
They stand, shake hands and the General exits.
Dr. Oglethorpe, Kate and Randall sit back down and wait more.
It’s now fully dark outside.
Kate gets up and walks down the hallway.
There’s a coffee station with bottled water and snacks. She grabs a bottle and a bag of chips. An OFFICE WORKER is there.
KATE
Excuse me, where do I pay for this?
OFFICE WORKER
It’s free.
KATE
Really?
OFFICE WORKER
Yes. It’s the White House.
Kate returns to Randall and Dr. Oglethorpe.
KATE
The snacks are free.
DR. OGLETHORPE
What?
KATE
The General. He charged us for the
snacks, but they’re free.
RANDALL
Oh gosh...
KATE
Why on earth would he do that?!
SUDDENLY THE OVAL OFFICE DOORS OPEN and the staff member from earlier, JASON, pops out.
JASON
Hey Peeps. It’s looking like it’s
not happening tonight and I feel
horrible, so we’re gonna put you up
in a hotel somewhere-
RANDALL
Excuse me! Does the President know
why we’re here?
He’s already closed the door.
KATE
You gotta be fucking kidding me?
RANDALL
They must not know why we’re here!
DR. OGLETHORPE
No, they know, they know. But you
heard him. Be ready for tomorrow
guys.
RANDALL
Do they know how long it took for
us to get here?
CUT TO:
NIGHT
It’s a rainy night. The traffic is nasty and honking.
Kate talks to her boyfriend PHILLIP KAJ, 28. INTERCUT.
KATE
And then they made us wait for
seven hours. And they never even
called us in. I couldn’t believe
it.
Phillip, still mad he didn’t get into Yale, is in the offices of a news and culture website AUTOPSY. Despite the late hour, the open concept office is full. TVs and screens everywhere.
PHILLIP
Of course they didn’t call you in,
Kate, have you watched any news
today?
KATE
No. I’ve been pretty... wrapped up
in our... project.
PHILLIP
Turn on your TV right now.
President Orlean is in the middle
of an all-time shit storm.
Kate does so. There’s CVN coverage about the President’s Supreme Court nominee. It also plays in Phillip’s office.
ANCHOR 1
... Sheriff Wade Conlon was already
a controversial nominee with no law
degree and a record of shoot first
and ask questions later but with
his background as a nude life model
in college now coming to light, the
White House is in full crisis mode.
Kate stares at the tv in a daze.
PHILLIP
And get this, I found five former
students willing to go on record
that Conlon got noticeably aroused
when he posed for their drawing
classes.
INTERVIEW with SHERIFF CONLON, 60s, walking fast away from the cameras.
SHERIFF CONLON (SOT)
I have no shame in what I did!
PHILLIP
Should I say “noticeably aroused”
or “engorged?” I don’t want this to
read like click bait. This is a
real article.
Kate doesn’t respond
PHILLIP (CONT'D)
Kate can I get...something from
you?
KATE
I’m sorry, I’m just out of sorts
tonight.
PHILLIP
Can we just have this conversation
because I feel like we’re skirting
around this whole thing. Do you
have an issue with my mom, is that
what all of this is about, because--
CUT TO:
Randall is on the phone while the TV plays a CELL PHONE COMMERCIAL in the background an APPLE-like gravitas to it.
Randall’s wife, JUNE, 40s, earthy yet sharp. She’s clearly the rock of the family. INTERCUT
Randall’s wife, JUNE, 40s, earthy yet sharp. She’s clearly the rock of the family. INTERCUT
JUNE
And you can’t tell me what’s
happening?
RANDALL
It’s just the protocol. Please
don’t worry.
JUNE
Oh! Marshall got a 180 on his LSATs
and we’re celebrating.
We see their sons EVAN, early 20s and MARSHALL, mid 20s who both look and carry themselves exactly like Randall.
RANDALL
Way to go Marshall! I’m proud of
you buddy!
MARSHALL
Thanks Dad! Miss you!
RANDALL
How’s Evan feeling? Are the new
meds working out?
EVAN
I’m a solid four!
JUNE
He’s a solid four!
RANDALL
Well, that’s uh, better than last
month, right!
JUNE
Just remember to speak up in the
meeting. You know get so quiet when
it’s time to take credit.
Kate and Phillip are not in a full blown fight.
PHILLIP
--She asked if you were a lesbian.
She did not say that you WERE a
lesbian. It was a question-
KATE
Look, can I sit down to have lunch
with your mom in like....7 months?
PHILLIP
7 months?! That’s weirdly specific
and distant!
CUT TO:
Randall, his leg moving nervously, Dr. Oglethorpe and Kate sit in the Oval Office across from PRESIDENT JANIE ORLEAN, 60s.
President Orlean has bright blonde statement hair, remnants of a Long Island accent and behind her dozens of copies of her best selling “HOW TO MANAGE YOUR MONEY EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE NONE.”
Her Chief of Staff who we met yesterday, son Jason is there along with TWO OTHER AIDES in their 70s.
The President checks her phone and texts for a long beat while everyone waits. Finally she puts it down and addresses the room.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Okay, I heard there’s something
about an asteroid or a comet you
don’t like the looks of. Tell me
about it and then tell me why
you’re telling me about it. You’ve
got twenty minutes.
RANDALL
Twenty minutes?
Teddy Oglethorpe looks at Randall.
DR. OGLETHORPE
That’s you Doc. Go.
Randall is very nervous.
RANDALL
Okay... okay, um, Madame President.
Approximately, 36 hours ago PhD
graduate student, Kate Dibiasky
here... discovered a very large
comet.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
(to Kate)
Oh! Good for you.
RANDALL
A comet 5-10 kilometers across,
that we estimate came from the Oort
cloud, the outer part of the solar
system.
He pauses. Looks at his notes. Randall’s hand shakes a little as he looks at his notes.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
And uh, using Gauss’ method of
orbital determination and the
average astrometric uncertainty of
0.04 arcseconds...
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Whoah, whoah. What the hell?
JASON
I am so bored. Just tell us what it
is.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Knock that shit off.
JASON
Seriously, stop.
KATE
(cuts to the quick)
What Dr. Mindy is trying to say is
that there is a comet headed
directly towards earth.
He lays out the photos highlighting the blurry “streak.” The President and Jason examine the pictures.
KATE (CONT'D)
According to NASA’s computers this
object will hit the Pacific Ocean a
sixty two miles due west off the
coast of Chile.
JASON
And then what happens? A tidal
wave?
RANDALL
No, it will be far more
catastrophic. There will be mile-
high tsunamis, fanning out all
across the globe. If this comet
makes impact, it will have the
power of a billion Hiroshima bombs.
There will be magnitude 10 or 11
earthquakes-
JASON
You’re stressing me out! You’re
breathing weird. It’s just making
me uncomfortable.
RANDALL
I’m sorry. I’m just trying to
articulate the science.
JASON
I know but it’s like sooo
stressful. I’m like tryin’ to
listen-
RANDALL
I don’t think you understand the
gravity of this situation. I’m
trying to articulate it the best I
can.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Madame President, this comet is
what we call a planet killer.
RANDALL
That is correct.
President Orlean takes this all in.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
So how certain is this?
RANDALL
There is basically 100% certainty
of impact.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Please don’t say 100%.
AIDE #2
Can we just call it a potentially
significant event.
KATE
But it’s not “potentially” going to
happen. It is going to happen.
RANDALL
Exactly, 99.78 percent to be exact.
JASON
Oh, great! So it’s not 100%.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Scientists never like to say 100%.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Call it 70% and let’s move on.
KATE
It’s not even close to seventy
percent.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
You can’t go around to people
telling them there’s a 100% chance
that they are going to die.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN (CONT'D)
And we should get our own
scientists on this. No offense, but
you’re just two people who walked
in here with...
DR. OGLETHORPE
Dr. Oglethorpe.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Dr. Ogilvy.
DR. OGLETHORPE
I’ve been head of Planetary Defense
at NASA for fifteen year.
And Dr. Mindy is a tenured
Professor of astronomy at Michigan
State where Ms. Dibiasky is a
doctoral candidate.
JASON
I’m sorry, did you say Michigan
State?
DR. OGLETHORPE
They have an excellent astronomy
department.
JASON
Come on bro...
KATE
Are you serious? Do you want to see
my goddam SAT scores?
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Okay, let’s bottom line this. What
is this gonna cost me? What’s the
ask here?
DR. OGLETHORPE
There are government plans in
place. Actions we can take through
NASA. Drones that can be outfitted
with nukes to deflect and hopefully
change the orbit of this comet. But
we must act now.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Alright, alright, let me think
here... When are the midterms?...
JASON
Three weeks.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Three weeks. If this breaks before
then we could lose Congress and
then there’s nothing we can do
about this anyway.
JASON
It’ll be gridlock.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Exactly, the timing...it’s
atrocious.
(breath)
At this exact moment... I say we
sit tight and assess.
RANDALL
Sit tight and assess?
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
And let’s get some Ivy Leaguers, no
offense. And we will review the
NASA plans.
DR. OGLETHORPE
I’d greatly appreciate it.
KATE
Am I to understand correctly that
with all the information you’ve
received today, you’re making the
decision to “sit tight and assess?”
The President is barely paying attention as she searches drawer after drawer in her office.
JASON
Seriously. Who is she?
KATE
Who are you? Aren’t you her son?
JASON
I’m the Chief of Staff, Boy with a
Dragon Tattoo, so I’m doin’ fine!
KATE
(whispers to Randall)
This place is a freak show.
RANDALL
I think what Ms. Dibiasky is trying
to say is that the idea of sitting
tight is an extremely dangerous
idea.
President Orlean discovers a pack of smokes in her desk.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Oh! Oh!
(looks up to the heavens)
Thank you!
(back to the room)
Well at least one good thing
happened today!
She pulls out a cigarette and lights it.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN (CONT'D)
Funny story, when I ran for
President I had to sneak cigarettes
for the first month of the
campaign. Photographs of me smoking
were going for a hundred grand a
shot. So I’m always hiding. But you
know what? I got sick of it and I
just said, I’m gonna smoke whenever
I want to! And guess what happened?
I went up three points in the
polls.
JASON
People loved that she kept it real.
They loved watching a smoke-show,
smoke! I can’t think of another
President that I’d want to see in
Playboy.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Do you know how many “the world is
ending meetings” that we’ve had
over the years? Economic collapse,
loose nukes, car exhaust killing
the atmosphere, rogue A.I.
JASON
Drought, famine, plagues,
population growth, the hole in the
ozone, the rapture, alien
invasion...
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Jason, hey! That’s enough. Read the
room for once in your life.
JASON
Sorry, Mom.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
(exhales a giant plume of smoke)
The point is... I have a job to do.
RANDALL
You do understand that this is an
apocalyptic event? This is a large
celestial body headed towards our
earth.
President Orlean makes her way over to Randall.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Dr. Mindy, I hear you! I hear you.
You should be proud.
RANDALL
Thank you.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
I’m taking it very seriously. I’m
taking it straight in the heart.
RANDALL
I am so glad to hear that. I am so
glad.
They all stand to leave.
JASON
Hey gang, obviously everything we
talked about in here is classified.
Jason motions to fist bump Kate.
JASON (CONT'D)
(to Kate)
Thanks for dressing up!
CUT TO:
Kate and Randall followed by Teddy speed through the DC train station pulling their bags towards their track. Kate finishes a call on her cell phone.
RANDALL
So you’re saying we’re just going
to leak it to the press? Isn’t that
illegal?
DR. OGLETHORPE
Hell yes, we’re going to leak it.
In case you didn’t notice, the
White House just blew us off.
KATE
My boyfriend Phillip says he knows
a reporter from the New York Herald
we can talk to. “Adul Grelio.”
DR. OGLETHORPE
Good. That guy’s a heavy hitter.
And I’ll reach out to more of the
scientific community on the down
low.
They’re getting on the train.
RANDALL
I just feel like this isn’t what I
do.
DR. OGLETHORPE
You’re just telling a story! Keep
it simple! And no math!
RANDALL
But it’s all math!
Train doors close.
CUT TO:
A 10 STORY SCREEN SHOWS the ceiling of the SISTINE CHAPEL. PUSH IN TO GOD’S HAND TOUCHING ADAM’S.
MUSIC: BASH THEME
LIEV SCHREIBER (V.O.)
It all started with a connection...
A simple gesture that created so
much.
GOD’S HAND TURNS revealing a CELL PHONE.
LIEV SCHREIBER (V.O.)
So many choices. Sometimes it can
even feel like too much. Until now.
THE CELL PHONE GLOWS and then Adam’s hand turns revealing a SECOND CELL PHONE. PUSH IN TO THE SCREEN to see the texted words “Let There Be Life. BASH Liif.”
LIEV SCHREIBER (V.O.)
Introducing BASH Liif. Liif without
the stress of living.
The CROWD of 5 thousand TECH CONFERENCE attendees applauds heartily.
FEMALE ANCR (V.O.)
Before we introduce the founder and
CEO of BASH, please remember to
avoid direct eye contact, sudden
movements, coughing, or negative
facial expressions. And now, Sir
Peter Isherwell.
THREE CHILDREN (AGES 8-9 African American, Asian American and Caucasian) enter the stage with Peter Isherwell, an ageless optimistic yet very shy man in a windbreaker.
PETER ISHERWELL
Hello everyone. All of my work has
been driven by the inexpressable
need for a friend who would
understand of a friend to
understand and sooth me.
And you know, all those years of
work have come to fruition... with
BASH Liif.
Our new BASH 14 point three phone
is fully integrated into your every
feeling and desire without you
needing to say one single word.
Peter and the children hold up the new cell phone.
PETER ISHERWELL (CONT'D)
If I feel...
CHILD 1
Sad.
CHILD 2
Afraid.
CHILD 3
Or alone.
PETER ISHERWELL
...the BASH 14 point three phone
when set to Liif setting, instantly
senses my mood through blood
pressure, heart rates and-
PHONE VOICE (V.O.)
Your vitals show that you are sad.
This will cheer you up Peter.
“Here, this will cheer you up...” appears on the screen and a VT of a puppy riding a rooster.
PETER ISHERWELL
...It also schedules a therapy
session with a nearby professional
so we can make sure this sad
feeling doesn’t return.
CHILD 2
May I say something Mr. Isherwell.
PETER ISHERWELL
No.
All of these functions play out on the screen behind him.
PETER ISHERWELL (CONT'D)
And to support BASH Liif I would
like to officially announce...
SMASH CUT:
Isherwell and the children exit to the backstage. A Junior Executive, LINDA, takes their phones.
LINDA DICALIO
Give me the phones they’re not
yours.
KIDS
Bye Mr. Isherwell... Bye Peter.
CHILD 2
I love you, Peter.
PETER ISHERWELL
(ignores the children)
Are we sure the video of the little
girl singing is optimizing our pre-
pubescent sense memory consumer
sector? I find the bird quite
threatening.
EXECUTIVE
We’ll cross check the data on that
for sure.
Linda pulls Isherwell aside.
LINDA DICALIO
Mr. Isherwell, Paul Debent wanted
me to give you this. He got it from
an astronomer friend of his in
Mexico.
She hands him a PICTURE OF THE BLURRY COMET with “Direct hit” handwritten on it.
PETER ISHERWELL
Oh my.
Now Randall and Kate are in a conference room at the Herald with the CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS, 51, two of the OWNERS and journalist ADUL GRILIO, 47, handsome and international.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
What other confirmation do we have
on this Adul?
ADUL GRELIO
I’ve spoken to Dr. Oglethorpe in
DC. He confirmed it and all the
math. Plus I showed it to Dr.
Franks at Columbia and he almost
fell out of his chair.
So I have to admit, I was very
skeptical at first but this is all
quite credible.
RANDALL
The calculations are all credible.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
Jesus. And the President really
said to sit tight?
RANDALL
Yes, that’s correct.
KATE
Sit tight and assess.
MRS. TANKEN
She’s probably worried about the
midterms.
The other owner BENJAMIN, 38, chimes in.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
We need to move fast. The Feds will
claim breach of security so make
sure these two get a pro bono
attorney.
MRS. TANKEN
You can use my attorney.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
You can certainly afford it now.
RANDALL
(to Kate)
We have to hire a lawyer now?
Mrs. Tanken and Chief Editor begin bickering.
MRS. TANKEN
That wasn’t necessary.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
I think it was.
Randal interjects.
RANDALL
I’m sorry!
MRS. TANKEN
That was not called for.
RANDALL
I’M SORRY! How is it criminal if we
just tell people, like the public,
what we saw? And tell them the
truth.
BENJAMIN
(re: Randall)
Make sure this one gets some kind
of media training before he hits
the shows. He seems a step slow.
RANDALL
What does that mean I need media
training? What does tha-
Kate and Randall followed by Phillip, Kate’s boyfriend, are pulling their bags and looking for the Westin Hotel.
RANDALL
(reading his texts)
They want us on a show called The
Daily Rip first thing in the
morning tomorrow when the article
comes out. What is the Daily Rip?
Phillip is now hunched over and hyperventilating.
PHILLIP
It’s the best show. Everyone wants
to be on it. Brie and Jack, they
have legendary chemistry. They
asked me to go on it and I couldn’t
sleep for two nights I was so
excited. But they cut me for time.
It still hurts to think about it.
RANDALL
I know what show you’re talking
about. My wife loves that show.
PHILLIP
Can you just tell me what this is
all about? Because you haven’t read
my article about Conlon getting
hard in the art class, and now Adul
Grelio has come down from his
mountain top for your thing and you
won’t even give me a lousy pronoun.
Kate stops suddenly.
KATE
A comet bigger than the asteroid
that killed the dinosaurs is headed
directly at earth. If it isn’t
deflected the entire planet dies.
Phillip is stunned. A PASSERBY stops.
PASSERBY
What did you just say?
KATE
It’s for a video game.
Passerby moves on.
PHILLIP
Are you being serious?
KATE
Yes.
PHILLIP
Oh my god.
Phillip hyperventilates and starts to walk into the street where he is almost hit by a car. Kate pulls him back.
PHILLIP (CONT'D)
Oh my god! What the fuck man?
RANDALL
(on his phone)
I love you too. Alright. Yeah.
(to Kate and Phillip)
Hey guys, we gotta keep walking.
THERE IS A BLINKING LIGHT MAYBE A COMET IN THE DISTANCE growing larger at an astonishing rate. Suddenly the light is upon us in a BLINDING MASSIVE FLASH.
WAVES crash against a giant rock. A lizard picks away at its skin. A hummingbird gets nectar from a flower.
Two garbage men collect trash from the street and toss it in the truck.
A 30 Rock type building. People bustling everywhere. A TOWN CAR pulls up and Randall and Kate get out. They are greeted by a TALENT P.A.
TALENT P.A.
You must be Dr. Mindy and Ms.
Dibiasky. Jack and Brie are so
excited to have you on the show.
RANDALL
Really? They know who we are?
The Chief Editor Paula Woods sits in her office with Adul Grelio.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
The White House is denying they
even met with them.
ADUL GRELIO
Assholes will always be assholes.
Randall and Kate are led to the makeup room. The hallway is bustling. A tray of raw meat passes by. A poster hangs advertising the show “Secretly Poor.”
A groomer greets them.
GROOMER THALIA
Hi I’m Thalia. The Herald sent me
to help with your wardrobe.
She holds up two fashionable outfits.
KATE
Oh, I’m not wearing that.
They sit in the hair and makeup chairs.
HAIR PERSON
(to Randall)
You actually have a great facial
structure. What if we trim this
beard down a little bit.
(to Kate)
I love your hair.
KATE
Thank you.
(to Randall)
Ok, so how are we going to do this?
I’ll talk about the discovery and
you talk about how urgent it is
that we take action-
RANDALL
(whispers)
How...how...how do we say it? I
mean, shouldn’t we practive it or
write it out beforehand?
He’s opening another FedEx package and takes a nibble of a pill.
KATE
So I’ll start by describing the
comet discovery and then you talk
about what it means and how urgent
it is to take action.
RANDALL
But how do we... you know, how do
we say it? Shouldn’t we practice
it... or write it out beforehand?
HAIR PERSON
How about some water?
RANDALL
Yeah, some water would be great
Randall begins to panic and recites calming phrases and tongue twisters to calm himself.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
You are here now. You are here now.
Eleven benevolent elephants. Eleven
benevolent elephants. Eleven
benevolent elephants.
Randall pulls out another xanax.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
I’m just gonna take some xanax. I
take it sometimes when I-
Kate sees an opportunity and grabs for the xanax.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Kate not this time. Not this time.
June Mindy, Randall’s wife and his two sons are up early eating eggs and waiting for the Daily Rip to start.
JUNE
He just needs to breathe. And speak
up. You know?
MARSHALL
He’s got this. I know he does.
Randall is in the bathroom with his outfit having a full-on panic attack and taking deliberate deep breaths trying to calm down.
RANDALL
(groans)
Oh god.
Randall begins splashing water on his face.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
You are here now... You are here
now...You are here now.
He goes for a paper towel that is stuck and begins to fight the machine.
We meet our hosts: JACK BREMMER, 48, in the know but also a bit charmingly dumb and BRIE EVANTEE, 45.
JACK BREMMER
You gotta stop drinking the cheap
shit.
BRIE EVANTEE
It was only two glasses.
JACK BREMMER
Yeah, two and half.
A studio manager
STUDIO MANAGER
Alright we’re twenty out, let’s
make sure on our eyelines.
That we’re not looking at Jack and
Brie. And...cue the package.
OPENING VT PACKAGE FOR THE DAILY RIP PLAYS
Brie gets a last look from Jack.
BRIE EVANTEE
(adjusting her breasts)
Ladies ok?
JACK BREMMER
(to Brie)
Yes.
(to camera)
Aw Brie, I’ve got something for you
today. Listen to this. President
Orlean’s Supreme Court nominee
Sheriff Conlon has now been
identified as appearing in a soft
core porn cable show from the early
90s...
Randall’s family watches the Daily Rip.
MARSHALL
That’s Ridiculous.
Randall, groomed and in his new stylish clothes, and Kate are seated and waiting their turn. There’s a YOUNG SINGER WITH AN ENTOURAGE also in the room. This is RILEY BINA, 25.
RANDALL
(whispers to Kate)
Is that Riley Bina?
Kate quietly nods.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Really?! She looks a lot smaller in
person.
Teddy is having coffee with the Daily Rip on the TV while petting his cat.
A STAGE MANAGER pops in.
STAGE MANAGER
Hey Everyone. I’m Sean from the
show. We’re gonna do, well Jack and
Brie are gonna do like 10 on the
SCOTUS nominee. Then Riley Bina,
you come on...
RILEY BINA
And I can talk about my new single
right? A portion of the profits
goes to manatee sanctuaries.
STAGE MANAGER
Yes, but the break up first. And
then Dr. Mindy and Ms. Dibiasky you
both come on to talk about the
planet you discovered.
RANDALL
Comet. We found a comet.
KATE
They know what we’re here to talk
about right?
STAGE MANAGER
Of course. Jack and Brie love doing
science segments. Just remember
keep it light, fun. Jack and Brie
love to have a good time.
Stage Manager exits.
RILEY BINA
You guys discovered a comet? That’s
so dope. I have a tattoo of a
shooting star on my back.
RANDALL
That’s terrific.
Long awkward pause. Randall can’t help himself.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
We heard about your break up too.
We just want to say we’re very
sorry, right? We’re very sorry you
seem like a great person.
RILEY BINA
Why don’t you mind your own
business you old fuck.
RANDALL
Oh. Okay.
Jack and Brie are interviewing Riley Bina.
RILEY BINA
I’m not gonna lie, but my friends
and my Vroom Vroom Army have been
so amazing, so... I’m really
grateful for that, but I can’t lie
it’s been hard.
BRIE EVANTEE
You’re an inspiration. You’re
really owning that pain. You know
Jack, I feel like there’s some kind
of conversation that we need to be
having. Is there any message you
want to send to your ex DJ Chello?
RILEY BINA
You know...
JACK BREMMER
If there’s something you want to
say let’s say it right into this
camera. Just tell him. As if that
was him, you tell him exactly what
you’re thinking.
RILEY BINA
Ok, um...Chell... I still love
you... and after a lot of sleepless
nights...three. I want to take you
back.
BRIE EVANTEE
I’m sorry, wha-
RILEY BINA
Is that ok?
June and her sons are watching. One of the sons is on Social media.
JUNE
Oh my god, you guys..
EVAN
Diddly just exploded. So did Vroom
Vroom.
MARSHALL
Wait, BASH News just gave me 8 push
notifications. And my phone
purchased DJ Chello’s latest
single. Without even asking. It
just did that.
JACK BREMMER (SOT)
I’ve just been told we have DJ
Chello live on a Mugg link!
DJ CHELLO is on a Skype type link.
DJ CHELLO (SOT)
(tearing up)
Hey baby doll, your kid messed up
bad. Lady Baroque wasn’t wearing
panties in the club that night. I
just wasn’t thinking straight....
and I made a mistake. But it’s you,
it’s always been you.
RILEY BINA
I get it. It’s ok. I hooked up with
her too at the Music Globes last
year, right before I ran off with
that power forward from the
Nuggets. And none of that matters.
Phillip watches the TV in the packed office.
DAMAIN
What about “Forget break up sex,
try a break up relationship?”
AUTOPSY EDITOR
Oh that’s good.
PHILLIP
(can’t help himself)
10 Famous Second Chances for Two
Timers, guys!
AUTOPSY EDITOR
Oh, there we go.
PHILLIP
It’s on a plate!
Phillip glances nervously at the TV.
DJ CHELLO
I was scared, but honestly I’m not
scared anymore. My little bumble
bee, will you marry me?
RILEY BINA
Oh my god, of course!
DJ CHELLO
Yes!!
RILEY BINA
Chel, of course. That’s sick.
Teddy is petting his cat.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Alright...DJ Chello.
Notifications are popping up on all their phones.
MARSHALL
It just bought another.
JUNE
Who are these people again?
MARSHALL
Mom they’re like the biggest names
in--
Jack and Brie recovering from the proposal. Randall and Kate wait in the wings.
BRIE EVANTEE
Wow. The fireworks have certainly
gone off today...
JACK BREMMER
Yes, they have. From a wedding
proposal to a little science
experiment, I’m gonna need a temple
rub and a martini.
BRIE EVANTEE
Well, our last guests...
STAGE MANAGER cues Randall and Kate to take their seats.
STAGE MANAGER
(whispering)
Go, go, go!
BRIE EVANTEE
...have made a pretty big discovery
in space. Astronomer Dr. Randall
Mindy and PHD candidate Ms. Kate
Dibiasky are here. Welcome.
JACK BREMMER
Can I just ask one thing before we
go any further: is there life out
there? Yes or no? Final answer.
RANDALL
Well we don’t have the data.
(being playful)
But sure. Why not. In the vastness
of space, sure, aliens are real.
Kate gives Randall a quick sideways glance.
JACK BREMMER
See I knew it. I knew I would like
this guy! See you owe me fifty
bucks.
BRIE EVANTEE
Please don’t encourage him Dr.
Mindy. We’ll never get out of here.
Now, Jack was having some fun
here..
June and their sons watch their Dad.
EVAN
Dad looks great. Doesn’t he look
good?
MARSHALL
They did something with his beard.
JUNE
He really does!
BRIE EVANTEE
Now Jack was having some fun about
the aliens, whatever, but I’m told
there’s a New York Herald story
that has just come out that talks
about a very serious discovery you
two have made.
Teddy watches nervous
DR. OGLETHORPE
Keep it right there, you’re doing
good.
RANDALL
That’s right Brie. Kate was
observing supernovas on the Subaru
optical telescope..
DAMAIN
Is that your girl?
Phillip nods.
DAMAIN (CONT'D)
Not bad.
RANDALL
...when she made a breathtaking and
once in a lifetime discovery.
JACK BREMMER
I had no idea that Suburu made
telescopes.
BRIE EVANTEE
Incredible.
JACK BREMMER
So this is really exciting. Tell us
what you found Ms. Dibiasky...
KATE
(a little awkward)
Well, I was monitoring exploding
stars... to help measure the
measurement expansion of the
universe-
BRIE EVANTEE
For your PhD...
KATE
Right. But I saw something I didn’t
recognize. It was a comet. A big
one. And it’s headed directly at
earth. And it very likely will hit.
JACK BREMMER
This sounds very, very exciting.
Exploding stars. Like stars
actually explode? Now how big is
this thing? Could it destroy
someone’s house? Is that possible?
RANDALL
Well Comet Dibiasky, which is what
it will officially be named-
JACK BREMMER
After her?
RANDALL
Yeah after her.
JACK BREMMER BRIE EVANTEE
Alright, Congratulations! Oh! Congratulations!!
RANDALL
It’s somewhere between 6 and 9
kilometers across. So, it would
damage the entire planet. Much more
than a house.
JACK BREMMER
The entire planet. Ok, so while
it’s damaging that, can it hit this
one house in particular, that’s
just off the coast of New Jersey?
It’s my ex-wife’s house. I just
need it to be hit. Can we make that
happen?
Brie hits his arm playfully.
BRIE EVANTEE JACK BREMMER (CONT'D) Come on! You and Shelly have In fairness I did pay for the a great friendship! Stop! You house the comet would hit! need to Stop!
BRIE EVANTEE (CONT'D)
I apologize for him. He’s terrible!
KATE
(interrupting)
I’m sorry... Are we not being
clear! We’re trying to tell you
that the entire planet is about to
be destroyed.
BRIE EVANTEE
It’s something we do around here to
keep the bad news light.
JACK BREMMER
Helps the medicine go down. And
speaking of medicine, tomorrow
we’ve got a-
KATE
Well maybe the destruction of the
entire planet isn’t supposed to be
fun.
Everyone stops.
KATE (CONT'D)
Maybe it’s supposed to be
terrifying... and upsetting...and
maybe we’re supposed to stay up all
night every night crying...
when we’re all 100% for sure going
to fucking die!
She storms off.
RANDALL
Hey Kate-
KATE
Sorry!
There is a long silence.
Phillip and Damain stare at the tv horrified.
DAMAIN
Hey man, my brother has bipolar
disorder. If you ever need to talk
to anyone-
BRIE EVANTEE
Is she always like that? Was it
something I said?
Randall is totally on the spot. Finally after a painful beat he opens his mouth...
RANDALL
Maybe I should have given her that
extra Xanax that I had.
Jack, Brie and the crew ERUPT INTO LAUGHTER.
JACK BREMMER
Listen, if you don’t have enough,
we all have enough around here!
BRIE EVANTEE
A spoonful of Xanax helps the
medicine go down!
JASON
That’s right! That’s good.
Brie gives Randall a quick intrigued glance.
BRIE EVANTEE
We’re gonna have to get you back.
(to the studio)
Is he a plant?!
JACK BREMMER
I knew I’d like this guy. I knew
it!
BRIE EVANTEE
The handsome astronomer can come
back anytime. Yelling lady, not so
much.
JACK BREMMER
Join us tomorrow when our guest
will be the man who many say will
challenge President Orlean in two
years, Senator Jeff Lerner.
BRIE EVANTEE
And wrongly convicted murderer
Michelle Weems talks to us about
her third place finish on Celebrity
Dance Off.
JACK BREMMER
I thought she should have won. I
really did.
BRIE EVANTEE
And I still think she’s guilty.
JACK BREMMER
That’s the Daily Rip guys!
BRIE EVANTEE
Have a great day!
STAGE MANAGER
And we’re out!
Everyone stands up and pulls off their mics.
RANDALL
That’s it? Did what we wanted to
say get across?
JACK BREMMER
Yeah, yeah, you were great. But I
think mullet girl she probably
needs some media training.
RANDALL
Really?
JACK BREMMER
Yeah, terrible buddy.
BRIE EVANTEE
We usually get drinks at Aundrine’s
after our 5 o’clock staff meeting.
You know, it’s fun! You should
come.
RANDALL
Oh I’ll have to see. Thank you for
the invitation.
She gives him a hard look and then exits. The Groomer from the Herald is there.
GROOMER THALIA
You were awesome. Can I take a
picture of you for my portfolio?
RANDALL
Of course.
She takes his picture.
GROOMER THALIA
Thank you!
Randall, Kate, Adul, Chief Editor Paula Woods and the Herald’s MEDIA QUANT go through the numbers on a giant computer screen.
MEDIA QUANT
You can see this spike here is when
Riley Bina asked to take DJ Chello
back on the segment before you. We
saw engagement across all social
media platforms.
RANDALL
What about our story?
MEDIA QUANT
Randall and Kate your TV appearance
got some nice traffic when Ms.
Dibiasky cursed. But unfortunately
there was an immediate backlash
that quickly became a meme...
Screen shows VT of Kate next to Charles Manson reading, “CRAZY. It’s all in the eyes.” Another meme of Kate’s deformed face looking like a monster.
KATE
Jesus. They just think I’m crazy.
RANDALL
I mean look at that. That’s so
unnecessary.
Another meme of Kate screaming paired with a wet cat.
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
You can move on.
RANDALL
Is that even allowed?
Another meme of Kate eating a baby, captioned, “Delicious!”
RANDALL (CONT'D)
I think that’s photo shop Kate.
MEDIA QUANT
Dr. Mindy on the other hand had
very high favorables. VeganBabe
wrote “Meooow. Me likey hunky Star
Man” Some accounts called him “The
Bedroom Eyes Doomsday Prophet” and
“A.I.L.F.” which means “Astronomer
I’d Like to Fuck.”
RANDALL
I don’t see what that has to do
with anything.
MEDIA QUANT
Annnd that’s everything. We did not
feature or push on any sites. And
clicks overall were below basic
weather and traffic stories.
Beat.
RANDALL
So....that’s it?
KATE
I knew it.
RANDALL
That’s it!
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
Thank you Erin.
The Media Quant packs up. They all wait until she leaves.
RANDALL
I don’t understand. I don’t
understand. Why aren’t people
terrified! What do we have to say?
What do we have to do?
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
Scientists in Mexico and Spain are
currently going through the data.
And South Korea has expressed
concern.
RANDALL
Oh that’s great! South Korea.
ADUL GRELIO
Let’s not bullshit each other.
Bottom line is you told us the
science was 100% and it’s not. And
now we look like idiots.
RANDALL
No, no, you tell me who said the
science isn’t 100%-
KATE
Excuse me?
RANDALL
I want to talk to this person. You
tell me who said the science isn’t
100%.
ADUL GRELIO
Dr. Jocelyn Calder the head of NASA
just came out calling it “more near
miss astronomy hysteria.”
KATE
She’s the one who told us not to
tell anyone.
ADUL GRELIO
“More near miss hysteria!”
KATE
Is she even an astronomer?
ADUL GRELIO
She’s the head of NASA but maybe
she doesn’t know what she’s talking
about.
RANDALL
(off his phone)
Yeah, she’s the head of NASA but
she’s also a former
anesthesiologist and a President
Orlean super donor. It’s all
corupt!
CHIEF EDITOR PAULA WOODS
The point is, Adul’s right, there’s
still serious debate. And now the
Herald has egg on its face.
ADUL GRELIO
We’ve taken this story as far as it
goes. I wish you a very pleasant
end of times.
Adul leaves.
RANDALL
It’s not a goddam story ok?
Paula leaves as well. Kate and Randall are alone. Randall wipes makeup off his face with a tissue.
KATE
As of right now we have exactly six
months, ten days, two hours, 11
minutes and 41 seconds, until a
comet the size of downtown Denver
rips through our atmosphere and
extincts all life on earth.
RANDALL
When did you do those calculations?
Holds out her phone.
KATE
I put the moment of impact on a
diet app. So impact is when my diet
ends. Only I’m not on a diet, I’m
just crying five times a day.
Kate begins to cry.
RANDALL
Hey come on, come on, everyone
should be panicking right now.
Don’t cry.
KATE
I know...
A BASH push notification comes on her phone.
KATE (CONT'D)
That prick.
We see an article on Autopsy “YOU KNOW THE CRAZY GIRL WHO THINKS WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE? I ACTUALLY SLEPT WITH HER.” By Phillip Kaj.
Randall walks over to look at her phone.
RANDALL
What happened?
KATE
Well I guess my boyfriend just
broke up with me.
RANDALL
What a day.
Randall puts his arms around Kate as she continues to cry.
BASH graphics whoosh across the screen.
MONTAGE: Traffic jams on the freeway. Cells multiplying. People walking through Tokyo. An ant climbs on a twig.
KATE
You’re gonna die! And you’re gonna
die! And you’re gonna die!
CUT TO:
A calm shot of planets in space. A large shadow darkens the view.
CUT TO:
BLACK.
WE HEAR THE AUDIO OF A MAJOR NEWS STORY FADING IN.
ANCHOR 2
It started with a photo many
thought was an armpit or the chin
of a man with a strange beard...
But what’s emerging now is a
scandal that may rock the--
A reporter DALIA HENSFIELD, 43, in front of the White House fence.
DALIA HENSFIELD (SOT)
--President Orlean sent her Supreme
Court nominee Sheriff Conlon a cell
phone picture of her private part.
SOCIAL MEDIA MONTAGE: Shots of citizens protesting. People posting opinions on social media.
SARAH BENTERMAN
Isn’t she the same person that said
if poor people don’t want to be
poor they should pick better
Lottery numbers? She actually said
that!
DALIA HENSFIELD
The source also confirmed that the
pair have been having an affair for
years--
SENATOR LERNER getting into a car addresses the press in a white collared shirt.
SENATOR LERNER
Members of my party are currently
drawing up a formal censure of the
President.
Randall is on his home computer arguing with people on Diddly (Twitter). He has grown into his Daily Rip look nicely.
RANDALL
My God honey, this guy doesn’t even
know what a heliocentric orbit is
and he’s calling me a crackpot. He
says Jewish billionaires invented
the comet so the government can
confiscate our liberty and our
guns. #DontBeScared.
June passes by the doorway.
JUNE MINDY
You’ve been on that site a lot
lately.
RANDALL
I’ve got over a quarter million
subscribers. I’ve got to use my
voice to get the truth out there,
right?
JUNE
I’m going for a walk if you want to
come.
RANDALL
(talks while typing)
It’s called “the scientific
method.” It’s what created the the
computer you’re typing your half
witted conspiracy theories on. What
do you think about that?
JUNE MINDY (O.C.)
Randall!
RANDALL
Yeah, honey?
JUNE MINDY
Someone is here to see you!
RANDALL
Who?
Randall enters and there are SEVEN FBI AGENTS in his living room and TWO BLACK SEDANS WITH HOOD LIGHTS FLASHING ON HIS FRONT LAWN.
RANDALL
Oh gosh! Right. Ok.
FBI AGENT
Are you Dr. Randall Mindy?
RANDALL
Yes, sir, I am.
Kate is jogging across campus. A COLLEGE GIRL hanging out with friends yells at her as she passes.
COLLEGE GIRL
(mocking)
“We’re all going to die!!”
KATE
(like she’s said it a 100 times)
Fuck off please!
Suddenly A PASSING STUDENT, A BLIND MAN WITH A CANE, A COFFEE VENDOR reveal they are undercover FBI, tackle her and draw guns on her.
FBI AGENTS
FBI! Freeze! Get on your knees
right now. Get on your knees! You
are under arrest for breach of
national security secrets!
KATE
(getting on the ground)
Jesus Christ! You could have just
called me! Or showed up to my
apartment.
(sees more agents)
What are you dressed up as a blind
guy?
Teddy Oglethorpe exits a rent by the day office space building holding his briefcase.
Suddenly THREE BLACK SEDANS screech up to the curb and FBI AGENTS point guns at him.
FBI AGENTS
FBI! Get down on the ground!
DR. OGLETHORPE
Okay... Be cool... I just have more
skin pigmentation than you because
your ancestors migrated to northern
Europe and developed lighter skin
so as not to get vitamin-
He slowly gets on the ground.
Kate is in the back seat of a black sedan driven by TWO FEDS. She has a HOOD OVER HER HEAD.
KATE
Unless you two assholes are taking
me to the Bat Cave fuck you for
putting this hood on me!
Teddy Oglethorpe, Randall and Kate are seated in the hallway outside the Oval Office. Two SECRET SERVICE AGENTS stand guard.
Air Force General Themes, the General from their first White House visit walks by with TWO CONTRACTORS.
KATE
Watch out for him. He’ll charge you
for free shit.
Jason, President Orlean’s son, peaks out of the Oval Office.
JASON
Gentleman, you can come in.
President Orlean and Jason speak to Randall, Teddy and Kate. Dr. Calder is also there.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
I think it was Winston Churchill,
or maybe it was Bobby Knight, who
said the great labor of leadership
Look there are times as a leader is
to lay down ones yolk of pride and
admit, that mistakes were made.
She exhales a plume of smoke and dies out a cigarette.
JASON
You were deceived, as was I, but
the end result was, we had our
scientists who went to the
prestigious schools of Harvard and
Princeton and... they confirmed the
data. So we would like to offer you
a Presidential apology.
RANDALL
Really?
JASON
And we are fully prepared to
mobilize in an historic fashion to
save this planet.
Randall and Oglethorpe look to each other and let out a huge sigh a huge relief. Everyone is celebrating.
KATE
So basically, what you’re saying is-
DR. OGLETHORPE
Hey. There’s no need. We all get-
KATE
- you’re about to lose the midterms
because you got caught sending
pictures of your cooch to your porn
star Sheriff and now suddenly it’s
to your advantage to act on the
comet?
Beat.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
(mocking)
Right...
KATE
(big exhale)
Ok.
Ok, I’m just so relieved that you
guys are finally doing
something...This has been really
really hard.
RANDALL
This has been really really
stressful.
DR. OGLETHORPE
It’s been a lot. I can agree.
Kate begins crying. Randall puts his hand on hers. Jason starts laughing at Kate.
JASON
Sorry, you just look so bad when
you cry!
(to Jocelyn)
People are going to ask why we
didn’t act earlier so we need you
to take the hit on this.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Yeah...but we’ll take care of you
down the road Jocelyn.
DR. CALDER
Of course Janie. I’ll resign in
disgrace first thing tomorrow.
KATE
(under her breath)
Well that’s weird as hell.
RANDALL
Anesthesiologist.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
I am going to make a statement, a
Presidential statement to the
American people. We’re not going to
tell the press about it ahead of
time, so it will have the quality
of a breaking news.
A MOM(40s) AND HER TEEN DAUGHTER (14) watch TV. THE BACHELOR type show they’re watching is interrupted.
CLOSE UP: TV SCREEN: PRESIDENTIAL SEAL
ANCR (V.O.)
We interrupt this broadcast of
Jackpot Fiancé for an emergency
message from the President of the
United States.
President Orlean, at a podium in front of a WORLD WAR TWO BATTLESHIP with American flags everywhere. It’s lit like a movie. Behind her are Randall, Kate, Teddy and Jason. Jason occasionally mouths the words of the speech along with his Mom.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Citizens of the United States and
peoples of the world. I have just
been handed scientific findings
that confirm a worst case scenario.
An unprecedented comet 9 kilometers
wide is now on a direct collision
course with our cherished home:
planet earth. Estimated time of
arrival is approximately 5 months,
so we have some time.
CUT BETWEEN PLANNING AND THE EXECUTION of the media roll out.
JASON
We’ve already drawn up an emergency
Congressional spending bill.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
I have already put together an
emergency spending package for
Congress-
JASON
That the Senate and the House both
agreed upon.
RANDALL
That is great to hear.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
And that will enable NASA and our
great military to launch a
preemptive strike using
decommissioned Space Shuttles and
Satellites loaded with nuclear
explosives. We will knock Comet
Dibiasky off her course.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
But we’re gonna need a hero. A
pilot.
RANDALL
Shouldn’t the mission all be done
using remote technology?
DR. OGLETHORPE
Washington’s always gotta have a
hero.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
... I have asked Medal of Freedom
recipient and outspoken Patriot,
Benedict Drask to undertake this
difficult and-
RANDALL
I’m sorry, isn’t he the mercenary
gentleman who screamed at all those
children on the White House lawn?
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Yes, he was given the honor of
leading the Presidential Initiative
to get kids to exercise.
A HUNDRED CHILDREN between the ages of 8-11 are doing jumping jacks on the White House Front Lawn while BENEDICT DRASK, 49, leads them on.
BENEDICT DRASK
You goddam lard ass! You look like
a bunch of pussies!!
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
He’s just of a different
generation.
DR. CALDER
You know, I used to date him.
BENEDICT DRASK
You want to hear about the last
pussy I worked with in combat? You
ever see inside a man’s torso?
Benedict Drask stands at attention in his private military uniform and salutes.
BENEDICT DRASK
Benedict Drask reporting for duty
sir!
The President returns the salute.
BENEDICT DRASK (CONT'D)
Some are saying this is a suicide
mission. Well all I ask is if I get
snuffed make sure you all earn the
extra living my sacrifice gives
you.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Earn the extra living my sacrifice
gives you.
JASON
I wrote that line for him.
KATE
Isn’t that from Saving Private
Ryan?
RANDALL
Yes!
JASON
No. It’s totally different.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
And special thanks go to the team
of scientists behind me..
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
We’re gonna need everybody’s help
on this. Everybody. We all have to
push out this message.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
-Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe, my African
American scientist. Kate Dibiasky
who the comet is named after. But
please don’t blame her.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Ms. Dibiasky, she connects with the
disaffected youth and the mentally
ill.
KATE
Thank you
DR. OGLETHORPE
We’ll do whatever we can.
RANDALL
As long as you do the right thing,
we’re there for you.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Especially you Dr. Mindy. You poll
much higher than your colleagues.
It’s wild.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
And Dr. Randall Mindy, he will help
us destroy our common enemy
Dibiasky.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Wonderful. Well, I think we’re
done!
JASON
Let’s go!
They all stand to leave.
KATE
Can I say something?
JASON
Yeah, we’ve all been dying to hear
what you’ve got to say.
KATE
I didn’t vote for you... But this
is obviously much...much bigger
than any of my misgivings. So I
will be 100% behind this effort. No
matter how offensive I find you.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Wow. That’s great.
JASON
You know I was the one who told the
FBI to put the sack over your head.
The FBI doesn’t do that. That’s
CIA. But I made them.
KATE
I had a feeling. I really did.
JASON
It’s a good feeling, because that
is what I did. And it’s very funny
and cool.
Kate rolls her eyes.
President Orlean finishes her speech.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
And may Jesus Christ bless every
one of you. Especially the
honorable members of my party. We
will prevail.
MUSIC: SCORE: INSPIRING HORNS AND TIMPANIS.
Fireworks explode off the battleship
DIDDLY FEED that dissolves into FRIEND POST that dissolves into VROOM VROOM all buzzing about the comet: “Is this for real?” “I’m scared.” “We’re gonna kick this comet’s ass!” “That Dr. Mindy is fire hot.” “I hate that crazy chick.” “God will protect us.”
RILEY BINA
You guys, this comet is seriously
stressing me out.”
OLDER TOUGH LADY
Comet’s coming. People gotta dig
in. We already got buyers for these
shovels on E-Market. Thousand bucks
a pop.
DALIA HENSFIELD
It’s a clean sweep for President
Orlean.
Magazine covers at a news stand (or online) show headlines like “Earth’s Big Moment!” “Drask’s Miracle Workout” “How the Comet Changes NFL Playoff Race!”
NEWS STAND GUY puts out new Time Magazines with a cover showing President Orlean smoking a cigarette with the headline “SMOKING HOT!”
Another magazine with Kate on the cover: Is She to Blame for the Comet? And one of Randall “America’s Scientist”
An Old SPACE SHUTTLE and MISSILES ARE BEING TOWED ONTO THE TARMAC. Crews are building launch platforms.
Randall talks to SAMMY, a cute, famous kids’ puppet.
SAMMY
Hello, Dr. Mindy.
RANDALL
Hello Sammy.
SAMMY
Are you really a doctor?
RANDALL
No Sammy, I’m an astronomer.
SAMMY
What’s an astronomer?
Randall speaks with Brie and Jack on the air.
JACK BREMMER
Dr. Mindy there is a lot of fear
out there, America, around the
world, parents don’t know what to
say to their kids, what would you
say to them to help them
understand?
RANDALL
I’m sure many of us are frightened.
But I can assure you our best and
brightest are on the job. I’ve seen
the science on this plan... and it
is sound.
BRIE EVANTEE
I know your words are a great
comfort to all of our viewers Dr.
Randall. We thank you for your
courage and service. I just like to
say, whenever I feel afraid or
alone, I think of you and I just
feel... Better.
Randall looks down and Brie has put her hand on his thigh. He clearly has a hard on pushing against his pants.
Randall and Brie Evantee walk down a hallway. Brie pulls Randall in for a kiss and they start having sex against the wall in a posh Manhattan hotel.
BRIE EVANTEE
Tell me we’re all going to die...
RANDALL
What?
BRIE EVANTEE
Tell me we’re all going to die...
Do it...
RANDALL
We’re all going to die...
BRIE EVANTEE
Ohhhh!!!!
A LINE OF 9 GYM PATRONS all watch the announcement on their treadmill TV screens.
Kate and Teddy being interviewed by a Hannity type DAN PAWKETTY, 55 and debating with a Texas CONGRESSMAN TENANT, 76.
CONGRESSMAN TENANT
So these two Marxists wave around
the word “science” and we’re all
supposed to do whatever they say?
How do we know there even is a
comet?
KATE
Mr. Pawketty, Congressman, this
data has now been confirmed and
peer reviewed by hundreds of world-
renowned scientists.
CONGRESSMAN TENANT
And we’re supposed to trust you?
The comet’s got your name!
KATE
I don’t see the relevancy. That
doesn’t even make sense.
DAN PAWKETTY
Then why won’t you answer the
question?
KATE
Then what’s the question?
DR. OGLETHORPE
Grow up, here. This is ridiculous!
Brie holds a glass of wine as she and Randall lay in bed post coital.
BRIE EVANTEE
I just realized we don’t really
know anything about each other.
RANDALL
True. Every time I ask about your
life you tell me about your
favorite restaurants.
BRIE EVANTEE
I despise the “get to know you”
part of relationships.
RANDALL
Oh, ok. I understand.
BRIE EVANTEE
Ok, let’s just get it all over and
done with: My Grandfather invented
the flash freezing process so I
come from grotesque money but I got
away from it by getting three
Master’s degrees. I’ve been
divorced twice. One was a Secretary
of State. The other a sport
fisherman. I’ve slept with two
former Presidents and I speak four
languages and own two Monets.
Randall sits up a little straighter.
RANDALL
Wow. Two former Presidents? Wow.
My turn? My Father was a middle
school geography teacher. My Mother
cut hair out of our kitchen. About
two years ago our family dog JoJo
died. Which was really emotional. I
can’t remember crying that much
ever. And, I finally got my Star
Wars poster signed by Mark Hamill.
It’s in the garage.
BRIE EVANTEE
Ok, Good. That’s done.
(beat)
Now where are we gonna go for
dinner tonight?
SMASH CUT TO:
JET PLANES RIP ACROSS THE D.C. SKY IN FORMATION WITH A DEAFENING ROAR.
“GIANT LETTERS ACROSS THE SCREEN “LAUNCH DAY”
12:24p EST. Two helicopters circle a giant MODIFIED SPACE SHUTTLE preparing to launch
MASSIVE CROWD WATCHING AND CHEERING ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE
SCORE: GLORIOUS
NEWS ANCHORS CHATTER (V.O.)
Not since D-Day have we seen such a
mass mobilization, our unions and
resources..
Hundreds of press report from around the world.
FRENCH REPORTER HAITIAN REPORTER
I've just spoken to the The skies are clear and the
technical liaison- weather is temperate-
NASA van pulls up, Drask exits van heroically in a space suit.
CLOSE UP: An INDIAN TEEN watches on his phone in bed.
A FAMILY IN THE SUDAN watch on TV
MISSION COORDINATOR
Ok, here we go everyone! Let’s stay
sharp!
President Orlean, Randall, Jason, Kate, Teddy, Air Force General Themes, THREE OTHER GENERALS and for some reason Brie Evantee are all crouched in the situation room looking at MONITORS SHOWING A MODIFIED SPACE SHUTTLE. It’s surrounded by an array of satellites and other Space Shuttles on the launch pad at Kennedy Center.
BENEDICT DRASK (O.C.)
(crackly on the radio)
What’s the hold up Mother Fuckers?
Come on, let’s fucking light this
fire cracker. You think I’ve got
all day.
A HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE watch from a distance with binoculars and phones raised.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN (V.O.)
Commander Drask, this is your
President speaking. Your nation
thanks you. Your planet thanks you.
Your God, and I, thank you.
BENEDICT DRASK
The only thanks I need is a shot of
Jack Daniels. And a couple of DUIs
to magically go away.
Mission control full of techies at screens coordinate the launch.
MISSION COORDINATOR
This is Mission Control. All
indicators are coming up green.
This is a final warning to control
the launch pad.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
(to Randall)
Your discovery led to this mission
and the chance to save earth. I
give you the honor.
Kate glances over at Randall. She sees he and Brie Evantee are holding hands?
Randall takes an awkward sip of water.
RANDALL
Thank you Madame President.
Citizens of planet earth,
everything is theoretically
possible, until it is done. And
with that, we are a go for launch.
The room applauds.
Peter Isherwell, CEO of BASH enters the room.
PETER ISHERWELL
(looking down at his phone)
Hello. Oh Brie, you look fabulous.
As always.
KATE
Should he be in here?
JASON
Yes, Peter’s a Platinum Eagle Donor
to the campaign. He has full
clearance.
(beat)
Molly kicking in. I timed that shit
perfect.
MISSION COORDINATOR (V.O.)
...3, 2, 1... liftoff!
The Shuttles and satellites shoot bright yellow and red flame as they battle against the pull of gravity.
BENEDICT DRASK
(sing)
-come from Alabama with a banjo on
my knee. Hey!
Everyone cheers and high fives.
DR. OGLETHORPE
We didn’t lose any satellites.
Margin of error was for two to
malfunction.
PETER ISHERWELL
Madame President can I speak to you
outside for one second?
She’s engrossed by the screens showing liftoff.
RANDALL
The success probability has already
increased to 81%.
PETER ISHERWELL
(in his real voice)
Janie. Now!
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
I’m so sorry. Of course Peter.
Drask shakes and rattles in the cockpit.
BENEDICT DRASK
And a big hello to that beautiful
blue ball we call home. All those
hard working white folks. God bless
ya!
The room listens uncomfortably.
AIR FORCE GENERAL THEMES
It’s just a different generation.
BENEDICT DRASK
I also want to say hello to all the
Indians out there. Both kinds. You
know, the ones with the elephant,
the ones with the bow and arrow.
Hey, why haven’t you guys ever
teamed up? How cool would that be?
I also want to say hi to all the
gays out there-
MISSION COORDINATOR (V.O.)
Uh, Commander. Booster ejection is
imminent.
BENEDICT DRASK
Roger that.
A MEXICAN FATHER (51) AND SON (17) watch the launch on a cell in their truck behind a warehouse.
The Shuttles and satellites approach the outer atmosphere.
BRIE EVANTEE
(in French)
Et les anges s’envolent vers le
ciel...
RANDALL
Is that French?
BRIE EVANTEE
Yes, it means “And the angels soar
to the heavens...” It’s from a
14th century French poem I studied
at Dartmouth... Watching this made
me think of it... And you.
Brie and Randall kiss. The room clocks it.
Kate stares at him hard. But then President Orlean walks back in looking solemn.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Everyone...I’ve just received some
critical information concerning our
mission.
CUT TO:
MASSIVE CROWD WATCHING AND CHEERING ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE
Although it’s just a flaming speck in the sky, we see slowly but surely that THE LEAD SPACE SHUTTLE BEGINS TURNING. The crowd begins to chatter.
ONLOOKER
Hey! It’s looks like it’s turning
around!
GUY
No it’s not! It’s a course
correction! Pretty standard! I was
in the Navy.
Nope. It’s turning around.
ONLOOKER
Nope! It’s turning around!
And now IT’S FULLY HEADED BACK TO EARTH along with the other shuttles and satellites. THE CROWD AND CROWDS ACROSS THE WORLD ARE SILENT AND CONFUSED.
ANCHORS CHATTER (V.O.)
There seems to be some confusion -
I’m not gonna lie to you - This
reporter is at a loss for words -
It’s definitely turning around.
Mission Coordinator turns around in his seat and addresses the rest of his team.
MISSION COORDINATOR
Does anyone know what the fuck just
happened?!
CUT TO:
Teddy, Randall and Kate are in a generic office. Teddy tries the door.
DR. OGLETHORPE
It’s still locked.
RANDALL
I don’t understand what could have
happened. The mission was working.
Everything was on track.
DR. OGLETHORPE
It could have been anything,
guidance system could have
malfunction, nukes destabilized.
Myriad of things.
KATE
Who was that man who walked in when
we were in the situation room? He
looked familiar.
DR. OGLETHORPE
That was Peter Isherwell, CEO of
BASH. And the third richest human
ever.
RANDALL
He’s the guy that bought the
Gutenberg Bible and then lost it.
The door opens. It’s Jason.
JASON
Sorry to keep you waiting, but the
situation is extremely fluid.
(and then)
Dr. Randall, you’re now Chief
Science Advisor to the White
House...
RANDALL
What?
JASON
...and as such we need you for an
emergency cabinet meeting right now
where you will be fully debriefed.
KATE
What about us?
JASON
You don’t have the clearance for
this, sweetheart. Don’t trip, got
you some snacks. Waters.
Jason tosses everything on the floor.
RANDALL
You don’t need to throw it on the
floor.
JASON
It’ll be 3-4 hours, tops.
KATE
What if we have to go to the
bathroom!?
JASON
We’ll lay out some newspaper for
you. Grab you a can of febreze.
RANDALL
I’ll be back.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Science tells the truth, Randall.
Jason begins to shut the door and then stops himself.
JASON
(to Kate)
Do you wanna come?
KATE
Yes!
Jason slams the door in her face.
President Orlean presides over a FULL CABINET MEETING with Randall, Jason, several Generals in attendance. Peter Isherwell stands behind the President.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Ladies and gentlemen what we and
what the world thought was an
impending and terrifying danger...
is actually an astonishing
opportunity.
SECRETARY OF STATE GLEESON BERKERS
Our allies are very confused and
demanding answers Madame President.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Tell them to wait.
(moves on)
According to the most recent
spectrometer reading of Comet
Dibiasky made by astro-geologists
at BASH cellular... we have
discovered something. Something
truly miraculous. Peter?
PETER ISHERWELL
Thank you, Janie. As some of you
know the most valuable minerals in
the world are fast becoming the
ones used to make cell phones and
computers: yttrium, terbium,
osmium, dysprosium, and on and on.
We’re running short. And the
problem is exacerbated because
China has her big panda paw firmly
on almost all the mines that
produce these valuable rare earth
assets. So you can imagine, wow,
just how happy we were at BASH when
our astrogeologists that this comet
hurtling towards earth actually
contains at least thirty-two
trillion dollars of these critical
materials.
RANDALL
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, is that why
you aborted this entire mission
because you are trying to mine the
comet?
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Dr. Mindy, I think we should all
questions until the end of the
presentation and you might find
that your questions are answered.
RANDALL
Yes, Madame President.
PETER ISHERWELL
When other metals are factored in
this comet contains almost 140
trillion dollars’ worth of assets.
There’s some muttering and oohs and ahhs in the room.
JASON
Buck Forty Trilly. Uh...
RANDALL
But what does any of this matter if
we’re all going to die?
SECRETARY OF EDUCATION
I was about to ask the same
question Janie.
JASON
Oh no...what if we’re all rich! And
we’re safe!
Teddy and Kate have eaten the Cheez-Bits and drank the water. They stare off, half asleep and half stricken with stress.
KATE
I’ve gone over it again and again
in my head and I still don’t get
it. He’s a three star General. He
works at the Pentagon. Why would he
charge us for the free snacks?
DR. OGLETHORPE
One time I met Sting and I swear to
God he farted right in front of me,
didn’t even break eye contact, and
didn’t even say excuse me. Thing
is, he actually pulled it off.
Because I still found him to be
quite charming.
The door opens. It’s Randall.
RANDALL
Guys let’s go! We have to go! NOW!!
Seafood, cocktails. It’s Bojo Mambo’s, you know the vibe.
DR. OGLETHORPE
That’s insane. Completely insane.
RANDALL
I had the exact same reaction.
KATE
This is a 9 kilometer wide planet
killer we’re talking about not
roaming charges.
RANDALL
I’m as concerned and enraged as
you, but they’ve got Gary Talcamont
out of Stanford and Lisa Inez from
Princeton on their team. This is
cutting edge next generation
technology they’ve created.
Isherwell, DR. INEZ, DR. TALCAMONT and a BASH designer show an impressive animation of featuring dozens of DRONES WITH DRILL TIPS and EXPLOSIVE CHARGES. President Orlean vapes while she listens.
PETER ISHERWELL
Obviously, one giant comet is a
major and existential threat to our
planet... But 30 smaller meteoroids
we can handle. Our BEADS, which
stands for BASH Explore and Acquire
Drones, will attach to the comet
and scan using Nano-technology
developed by Nobel Prize winner Dr.
Gary Talcamont here. And then we
will then deploy Nobel and Polofsky
prize winning scientist Dr. Inez’s
micro targeted quantum fission
explosives deep into the object.
Dr. Inez, would you like to explain-
COMET has been scanned on a 3D grid. IN THE ANIMATION the drones ATTACH USING THEIR DRILL BITS and BLAM!
DR. INEZ
Thank you Peter. We’ve been
developing phase fission reactions
in the CERN particle accelerator
that can splinter the comet into
smaller pieces with breathtaking
accuracy. These segments are then
steered and decelerated by each
BEAD into the Pacific Ocean for
reclamation by waiting US Navy
ships...
The animated drones then individually steer each piece of the comet into the Pacific ocean making a simple splash.
PETER ISHERWELL
And when these treasures from
heaven are claimed, poverty as we
know it, social injustice, lose of
biodiversity, all these multitudes
of problems will become relics of
the past and humanity will stride
through the pillars of Boaz and
Jachin, naked into the glory of a
golden age...
DR. OGLETHORPE
And is this nano-tech work peer
reviewed?
RANDALL
I need to review the data but it’s
been modeled.
KATE
Has any of this been reviewed?
RANDALL
No.
PETER ISHERWELL
Interplanetary, interstellar,
intergalactic existence for the
human race.
The room applauds
RANDALL
I understand the wealth that they
could extract from this comet. It
could end world hunger or..
Kate begins to laugh.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Oh, I see.
RANDALL
What? Why are you laughing?
DR. OGLETHORPE
So that’s the pretty bow they’re
putting around this line of
bullshit.
KATE
I bet they’ll say freedom and
puppies too.
RANDALL
You want me to quit the mission?
Ok, I’ll quit the mission. But you
have to understand, this is now
beyond our control. They have all
the power. So who do you want in
the actual room to make sure this
whole thing doesn’t turn out to be
a complete goddamn disaster?
KATE
I have news for you, it’s already a
complete disaster. They’re about to
let a comet the size of a mountain
hit the planet to jack up a cell
phone company’s stock!
Everyone at the bar and tables nearby is now looking at them.
DR. OGLETHORPE
(whispering)
You gotta take it down about four
or five notches now red.
The WAITRESS, 23, comes over.
WAITRESS
Were you just yelling about why
they turned that mission around?
Why were you talking about cell
phones?
DR. OGLETHORPE
My friend was just theorizing as to
what’s going on. We’re confused
too.
WAITRESS
That’s an official looking White
House badge you have on.
Randall is still wearing his White House laminate ID.
RANDALL
I don’t know why I have this on.
Randall quickly takes off the badge.
WAITRESS
Just tell us what’s going on.
Another GUY FROM THE BAR comes over.
GUY FROM THE BAR
I got three scared kids at home.
How about you just tell us
something?
A NEARBY DINER turns from a table near them.
RANDALL
I understand. I wish I could share
information, but-
GUY FROM THE BAR
We’re people just like you. We
deserve to know!
KATE
They’re right. They deserve to
know. You wanna know what’s going
on? Does everyone really want to
know what’s going on?!
Now the WHOLE RESTAURANT is listening.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Kate don’t-
KATE
They found a bunch of gold and
diamonds and rare shit on the comet
and now they’re going to let it hit
earth to make a bunch of rich
people even more disgustingly rich!
Everyone freezes.
What the hell does anybody do with that information?
CUT TO:
People are SMASHING OUT THE WINDOWS ON THE RESTAURANT. 4 COP CARS are there with LIGHTS FLASHING. There’s a dumpster and a car on FIRE.
PATRONS
Fuck you! Ahhh!!! Assholes are
gonna kill us all!... Tell us the
truth!! Etc.
CUSTOMERS FIGHT WITH COPS. Others LOOT AND DRINK FREE LIQUOR.
Kate is in the back of a BLACK SEDAN with a HOOD OVER HER HEAD. Teddy and Randall talk to her through the car window.
RANDALL
I tried everything I could they
won’t listen.
KATE
Surprise, surprise.
DR. OGLETHORPE
I’m starting to think you just like
riling people up.
RANDALL
I’m so sorry Kate, really I am.
KATE
Oh Randall, god! Where’s Brie
Evantee? Shouldn’t you guys be
playing footsie at a restaurant
that only serves cubes and foam?
DR. OGLETHORPE
Well she ain’t wrong. You did lose
the thread in a big way.
RANDALL
And what do you suggest we do? An
online petition, huh? You want to
hold...Get a mob and hold up picket
signs? You want to overthrow the
government, I mean, look at this!
KATE
I can’t! My head is in a bag!
FEDERAL AGENT approaches.
AGENT
I’m sorry Dr. Mindy. White House
wants her off the grid.
KATE
Wait! What does that mean? Hey!
What the hell does that mean?!
THE CAR DRIVES AWAY. Teddy walks away from Randall.
RANDALL
Kate! Oh gosh Kate. Are you ok?
People are shouting in the streets!
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Teddy! Come on! What choice do I
have?
DR. OGLETHORPE
A man’s always got choices!
(turns back to him)
Sometimes he’s just gotta choose
the good one!
The HOOD IS REMOVED FROM KATE’S HEAD revealing she is in a small office with an air force base outside the window. A JUSTICE DEPARTMENT ATTORNEY, 41 is in front of her with TWO SOLDIERS behind him. He reads a written statement.
FEDERAL ATTORNEY
Ms. Katelyn Dibiasky, the charges
against you are violation of
national security secrets, inciting
a riot and destruction of private
property owned by Bojo Mambo Shrimp
LLC.
KATE
But I didn’t-
FEDERAL ATTORNEY
However, the Attorney General is
willing to not pursue prosecution
if you will agree to the following:
a suspension of all public media
appearances and incendiary language
relating to Comet Dibiasky and BASH
Cellular.
Beat.
KATE
Fine. Give it to me. I don’t give a
shit anymore.
She signs the agreement.
CUT TO:
Kate is now in the back of a cargo van sans hood driving along a long four lane highway.
Kate’s van pulls away as snow falls. She goes up to the front door of a modest home and knocks.
Her MOM AND DAD, mid 50s and clearly traumatized by all of this, open the door.
KATE
(breaks down in tears)
Mom... Dad... I’m so glad to be
home...
But they don’t open the door.
KATE (CONT'D)
Open the door...
DAD
No politics. None.
KATE
What are you talking about?
MOM
Your Dad and I are for the jobs the
comet will provide.
DAD
The divisions in this country is
bad enough. We don’t want more of
it in our house.
TV COMMERCIAL: A worried HOUSEWIFE is in a kitchen. Her children run past.
MUSIC: Like a pharma ad: contemplative yet hopeful
HOUSE WIFE
Woah, slow down kids!
(to camera)
I worry about my kids and their
future. Sure the jobs the comet
will create sound great but what if
it’s not safe?
Randall enters in a sweater and suit jacket. He is now fully a “star.” L/3 ”Dr. Randall Mindy. Senior White House Science Advisor
RANDALL
(very warm and sincere)
Right now millions of you are
having these same questions and
doubts about the approaching comet.
That’s why BASH cellular in
conjunction with the US Government
is creating a new hotline, free of
charge to answer your questions.
And who knows, maybe, just maybe
one of our scientists...
The Housewife is already on the phone talking and even smiles a little.
HOUSE WIFE
Thank you Sharon. That makes me
feel so much better.
RANDALL
...can be that friend we all need
to lean on during uncertain times.
ANCR (V.O.)
Call 1-(254)63-COMET for peace of
mind. Offer only available to BASH
customers. Details of your call may
be shared with other subsidiaries
to enhance you customer experience.
Data and roaming charges apply.
CUT TO:
A big, impressive suite with the lights out. We hear laughter and the door opens. It’s Randall, in a tuxedo and Brie Evantee in a stunning gown.
BRIE EVANTEE
So, I thought it was the
ambassador. I was flattering him!
RANDALL
Well he was the waiter and now he’s
got an ego the size of Texas.
They turn on the lights. JUNE, RANDALL’S WIFE IS ON THE COUCH WITH A BAG OF LUGGAGE NEXT TO HER.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Oh my god. June. What are you doing
here sweetie.
JUNE
I had a feeling something was going
on.
RANDALL
Well you know we’re discussing
important business. That’s what
we’re doing.
JUNE
Oh yeah, that’s really very
important.
BRIE EVANTEE
Can we just skip past this whole
part please, where you get to feel
self-righteous and we put our tails
between our legs? It’s so boring.
JUNE
You want to skip the part where you
feel bad for screwing my husband.
BRIE EVANTEE
Oh I don’t feel bad. Randall and I
are having a wonderful time. So I
think the question is: do we keep
having a wonderful time or does he
go back with you to Wisconsin? Or
Montana? Or Michigan?
RANDALL
Michigan.
Beat.
JUNE
You know what? She’s actually
right. That is the only question.
So...
RANDALL
Well June, sweetie. Sometimes
things in life, they’re, you know,
complicated and they just-
JUNE
Oh, ok, that was fast. Before I go
let me give you some instructions
on how to take care of Randall-
She comes out of the bathroom holding a bunch of prescription pill bottles.
JUNE (CONT'D)
Here’s the Xanax he takes for his
panic attacks...
She throws the bottle at them, pills fly everywhere.
JUNE (CONT'D)
Here’s the Zoloft he takes to curb
the crashing depressions...
RANDALL
Not so much recently.
She throws the bottle. More pills fly.
JUNE
Oh, good for you!This is for his
blood pressure. Restless Leg
Syndrome. Appetite suppressant to
counteract appetite gain from his
other meds. And yeah, for America’s
Sexiest Scientist, a bottle of
goddamn Cialis!
The last bottle hits Randall right on the head.
JUNE (CONT'D)
Goodbye. Goodbye Randall! I’ll tell
your sons Dad’s fucking the lady on
our television!
RANDALL
June, I-
BRIE EVANTEE
I really thought for a second that
was gonna work out.
They’re gone.
CUT TO:
Kate, now a cashier at a giant Drink-Mo watches a CVN show. Phillip Kaj is a guest on the shoe.
PHILLIP (SOT)
...people, they want to manage the
comet to create jobs. 37% don’t
want the comet to hit. That’s
actually down by three points. And
23%, they don’t think there’s a
comet at all. And that number is
way up.
INTERRUPTING VOICE
Not Bitcoin, Ratcoin. Ratcoin.
A SKATER PUNK, 24 with TWO FRIENDS. One of them wears a MISFITS jacket and they all have stickers and hand drawn stuff on their clothes. The main guy, YULE has half his hair cut off.
YULE
I’d like to buy these sunglasses.
(gets a good look at Kate)
Aren’t you that girl from live TV
who said “we’re all gonna die”?
KATE
No.
(and then)
What’s your purchase?
He holds up his phone to her face. His lock screen is a meme of Kate from The Daily Rip.
YULE
Yeah, that’s you. It’s definitely
you.
KATE
Yup. That’s me.
YULE
You are a stone cold legend. Word
is bond.
FRIEND
I’ve got a picture of you on my
board.
YULE
He’s got a picture of you on his
fucking board.
KATE
Great. What’s your purchase? If you
don’t have one you need to make
room for the next customer in line.
There’s no next customer.
OTHER FRIEND
Can I touch your hair in a non
sexual way?
KATE
Get the fuck away from me.
YULE
(to his friend)
Oh dude... have some...Call Diogo,
he’ll freak out. Will you say hi to
my friend? Dude, he’s obsessed with
you. We love you. We don’t like...
Can’t stand Orlean either.
His friend dials Diogo on FaceTime.
YULE (CONT'D)
YOOOOO. Yo, shut the fuck up. Check
out who we’re with. What up??
A beat later.
YULE (CONT'D)
I mean, we have a purchase but we
don’t have payment. Which is a
metaphor on...
Yule holds open his jacket to reveal FOUR BOTTLES OF EXPENSIVE VODKA they’ve shoplifted.
YULE (CONT'D)
...cash?
Back to the CVN show. Kate turns around to listen.
CVN ANCHOR
Also, Phillip, I’ve been told that
you wrote a book about your past
relationship with Kate Dibiasky.
PHILLIP
Funny you should say that, I’m
actually working on that now. It’s
gonna be called, A Brush With The
Devil, and it’s uh...
YULE
You calling security or something,
with your eyes?
KATE
No, you’re free to go.
YULE
Just like that? You don’t give a
shit do you?
KATE
(flat)
Sure I do. I care about the Drink-
Mo guarantee of quality service.
FRIEND
We don’t give a shit either.
OTHER FRIEND
Not one single shit.
YULE
We hang and board behind the
abandoned Burger Crown from seven
to whenever. You should come hang
if you want. If you’re not a
fucking pussy.
Kate doesn’t respond.
YULE (CONT'D)
Fuck. Okay. Thanks.
Yule closes his jacket and they walk away. Kate watches them go but says nothing about the stolen liquor. The TV plays in the background.
CUT TO:
INCOMPLETE DRONES WITH DRILLING ARMS AND WARHEADS ON THEM are being wheeled around the massive launch pad.
Randall and President Orlean land in a helicopter and walk over to a hangar.
A giant BEAD DRONE is in front of them.
PETER ISHERWELL
Okay, let me introduce you, uh, to
mankind’s savior. The Bash Explore
and Acquire Drone.
RANDALL
It’s incredible.
PETER ISHERWELL
It’s incredible, isn’t it? I call
this one Primo the first.
(laughs)
It’s like my first child.
(speaking to drone)
Primo, my boy. It’s your father,
Cronos.
(laughing)
Don’t be shy. Come on. You’re gonna
be a God in the sky.
RANDALL
(laughs nervously)
Are you at all concerned about the
sync on the BEAD explosions? There
are studies that show that the
comet-
PETER ISHERWELL
Oh, Doctor. There are always
questions and fears and...
Randall takes some papers from his jacket. Hands them to Isherwell.
RANDALL
Right. I have a report here from a
Dr. Inez if you’d just take a look
at this study.
PETER ISHERWELL
Oh, thanks...
RANDALL
Listen, a lot of my colleagues,
they’ve either been removed or
resigned from this project,
apparently for asking too many
questions about this mission here.
So I just wanna make sure that
you’re open to the scientific peer-
review process and you’re not
approaching this entire mission
like a businessman.
PETER ISHERWELL
What did you say?
RANDALL
I wanna know if you’re-
Beat. Uh-oh. Wrong thing to say. A hint of anger flashes in Isherwell’s eyes.
PETER ISHERWELL
Did you call me a businessman?
RANDALL
You do own a corporate-
PETER ISHERWELL
You think I’m just a businessman?
Do you think you know me, Doctor?
Business? This is evolution. This
is evolution of the human species.
(To President Orlean)
What are you doing bringing this-
(Back to Randall)
Did you know that BASH has over 40
million data points on you and
every decision you’ve made since
1994, Doctor? I know when you have
colon polyps months before your
doctor does. You’ve got four or
five at the moment, actually. You
know, they’re not of concern, but
I’d have a checkup as soon as you
can.
But more importantly than that,
much more importantly, I know what
you are. I know who you are. My
algorithms have determined eight
fundamental consumer profile types.
You are a Lifestyle Idealist. You
think you are motivated by beliefs,
high ethical beliefs, but you just
run towards pleasure and away from
pain. Like a field mouse.
RANDALL
(almost in a whisper)
I just want to make sure the
science is sound on this project. I
hope you understand -
Isherwell gets right in Randall’s face.
PETER ISHERWELL
Our algorithms can even predict how
you’ll die with up to 96% accuracy.
I looked you up after we first met.
Your death was so unremarkable and
boring... I can’t even remember
what it said. Apart from one thing.
You’re going to die alone.
Randall shakes his head.
PETER ISHERWELL (CONT'D)
Alone. If you’ll excuse me Madam
President. I’ve got some work to
do.
Isherwell leaves.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
What the hell are you doing? My
God...
RANDALL
I’m trying to do my job.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
You are just so lucky Peter adores
you.
President Orlean lights up a cigarette with a GIANT: “HIGHLY FLAMMABLE” warning sign behind her.
RANDALL
I wouldn’t-
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
You are with the grown-ups now
Randall.
CUT TO:
About a dozen kids ages 16-25 are skateboarding and drinking with music blaring.
Yule sits next to Kate who is drinking a beer.
YULE
I heard today on the corporate
owned news BASH got Orlean to pay
the Chilean government, if I’m
correct, 90 billion dollars to let
the tsunami hit off the coast of
the country. That sound right to
you?
FRIEND
You know Isherwell built an
underground bunker for him and all
his executives.
TEEN GIRL
No, I heard they’re building an
escape ship.
KATE
You guys, the truth is way more
depressing. They’re not even smart
enough to be as evil as you’re
giving them credit for.
Yule, clearly enamored, leans over and kisses Kate. She pushes him back.
KATE (CONT'D)
Ugh! No.
More teens skateboard and a guy throws a glass bottle against the wall.
Yule punches the air in frustration.
YULE
Fuck! You drive me fucking crazy,
Kate.
Beat.
KATE
Fuck it. We’re all gonna die.
They make out as the hardcore music plays and more kids break light tubes.
CLOSE UP of KATE’S DIET APP countdown showing 25 days until diet ends.
CU of Randall’s face as makeup is being applied and hair is being styled. For the first time in a while he looks anxious. We hear the show from the monitor.
JACK BREMMER (O.C.)
The movie will be released the day
that some believe Comet Dibiasky
will impact the planet. And early
word is it’s already a classic.
BRIE EVANTEE (O.C.)
Oh yes and what a stellar cast. I
always love Devin Peters. He’s
great in everything he does. What’s
it called again?
Show is in progress with Brie and Jack hosting.
JACK BREMMER
It’s called “Total Devastation.” It
cost 300 million dollars to make. I
mean these movies...
BRIE EVANTEE
It’s more than you earn!
JACK BREMMER
(laughs)
Tell me about it. And my friend
Farley saw it and says it’s a ton
of fun.
BRIE EVANTEE
Alright well, what Farley says
goes.
But first, and you can tell by my
smile, that America’s sexiest
scientist is here. Dr. Randall.
Welcome.
Randall seems tense and awkward. The studio lights somehow brighter.
JACK BREMMER
Dr. Randall. How are you sir?
RANDALL
I’m good. Gooder... than good!
Tiny awkward beat. Tepid laughs from the crew.
BRIE EVANTEE
So Randall, we’re hearing there’s
no comet, that there is a comet but
it’s a good thing, or maybe it’s a
bad thing. We are so confused.
BRIE EVANTEE (CONT'D)
So could you please help us out
here, oh, wise scientist?
RANDALL
Well... uh...first and foremost,
Brie, there most certainly is a
comet.
BRIE EVANTEE
All right.
RANDALL
And we know that there is a comet
because we have the data. There has
been growing concern within the
scientific community as of late.
You see, the peer-review process is
absolutely essential...
JACK BREMMER
Well listen, if BASH’s stock is any
indicator, then we don’t have to
worry about the peer review. It is
going gangbusters. And listen, full
disclosure, I bought as many shares
as I could. I advise you to do the
same.
BRIE EVANTEE
You are such a shameless
capitalist.
JACK BREMMER
Said the woman who will be in the
brand-new hot tub on my back deck
when I put it in.
BRIE EVANTEE
He knows me too well. Dr. Randall,
are you sure you’re okay? Do you
want a glass of water?
RANDALL
I don’t feel so well...
BRIE EVANTEE
Okay...Well, we’re going to go to a
commercial and come back-
RANDALL
NO please Brie, don’t cut away. Let
me say something.
JACK BREMMER
Well you came to the right place.
Because on this show, we like to
say things.
RANDALL
WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING SO
FUCKING PLEASANT!
Everyone goes quiet.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
I’m sorry. Not everything needs to
sound so goddamn clever or charming
or likable all the time. Sometimes,
we just need to be able to say
things to one another. We need to
hear things. Look, let’s establish,
once again, that there is a huge
comet headed towards Earth. And the
reason we know that there is a
coment is because we saw it. We saw
it with our own eyes using a
telescope. I mean, for God’s sake,
we took a FUCKING PICTURE OF IT!
What other proof do we need? And if
we can’t all agree at the bare
minimum that a giant comet the size
of Mount Everest hurtling its way
toward planet Earth is NOT A
FUCKING GOOD THING, then what the
hell happened to us?
I mean, my God, how do- How do we
even talk to each other? What have
we done to ourselves? How do we fix
it? We should’ve deflected this
comet when we had the fucking
chance, but we didn’t do it. I
don’t know why we didn’t do it.
Brie, Jack, and the crew stare at Randall with concern.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
And now they’re actually firing
scientists like me for speaking
out, for opposing them. And I;m
sure many of the people out there
aren’t even going to listen to what
I just said because they have their
own political ideaology. But, I
assure you, I am not on one side or
the other. I’m just telling you the
fucking truth.
BRIE EVANTEE
I think this would be a good time
to establish that Isherwell and the
President that there’s benefits to
be had-
RANDALL
Right, well, the President of the
United States is FUCKING LYING.
Look, I’m just like all of you...I
hope to GOD, I hope to GOD that
this President knows what she’s
doing... I hope she’s got us all
taken care of. But the truth is, I
think this whole administration has
COMPLETELY LOST THEIR FUCKING MIND.
AND I THINK WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.
(softly)
Look, I just wanna go home. I just
wanna go home more than anything.
(breathing heavily)
But if there is one thing, one
thing that I pray that all of you
hear from what I have just said...
is that all of us, all of us-
Randall is in the back of an FBI unmarked sedan with a HOOD OVER HIS HEAD. Brie Evantee gets in the back seat.
BRIE EVANTEE
Why did you do that? I really liked
you. And I despise most people.
RANDALL
You know, I really thought I loved
you.
BRIE EVANTEE
Really? Wow. That’s wild.
FBI AGENT gets opens Brie’s door.
STOCKY FBI AGENT
Ma’am. You need to go. We need to
get this man off the grid.
Beat as Brie stares at the hooded Randall.
RANDALL
Are you still there?
BRIE EVANTEE
No.
She gets out of the car.
CUT TO:
Kate and Yule lay on the roof looking at the stars with a six pack.
KATE
I mean maybe he just gets off on
power. Any kind of power. It’s like
he knew eventually that I was going
to find out the snacks were free.
You know what I mean? So it was
just a power play.
YULE
Yeah, guys are weird. I’m starting
to think that all of this “end of
the world” stuff is bullshit.
KATE
Well, it’s not. It’s definitely
happening. I’ve seen it.
YULE
I feel like if God wanted to
destroy the Earth, He would destroy
the Earth.
KATE
You believe in God?
YULE
My parents raised me evangelical,
and I hate them. But I found my own
way to it. My own relationship. I’d
appreciate it if you didn’t
advertise it though.
KATE
I won’t tell anybody. I think it’s
kind of sweet.
YULE
Wanna make out?
KATE
Yeah, why not?
YULE
Can you not say “why not.” It makes
me feel like you don’t want it.
It’s shitty.
KATE
Sure. Whatever.
YULE
That’s better.
They kiss.
Randall is in a crappy Honda driving with a WHIP (UBER) LIGHT on his dashboard listening to Troubador by George Strait and eating chips.
Kate and Yule are making out. And while they do Kate looks up in the sky and sees something... A twinkle.
KATE
Oh my God...
She pushes him off.
KATE (CONT'D)
Oh my God, that’s it! That’s the
comet right there!
YULE
Where?
KATE
That’s the big dipper. That’s
Venus. There’s the north star. Well
what is that?
YULE
Oh shit.
Suddenly Randall sees something above him and STOPS HIS CAR.
RANDALL
What the hell?
Cars honk AS RANDALL GETS OUT AND LOOKS UP AT THE NIGHT SKY. He sees the twinkling comet.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
There it is. There you are. There
you are. Is anyone else seeing
this? That’s it. That’s the comet!
Look! It’s right there.
Cars are honking at Randall. People slowly get out of their cars and look at the sky in quiet wonderment. Randall gets on his phone and dials.
People keep staring at the small but bright fleck of the comet in the sky.
YULE
So that’s really it?... God... I
just got really scared.
KATE
Exactly!
She takes out her phone and picks up the call.
Intercut between Kate and Randall on their phones.
KATE (CONT'D)
Dr. Mindy!
RANDALL
Kate!
KATE
Doc, you can see it!!
RANDALL
I’m looking at it right now, too.
It’s unbelievable. It’s horrific,
and it’s beautiful at the same
time.
(to the crowd)
We’ve been trying to tell you! We
tried to tell you this whole time.
It’s right there! It’s... It’s
right there, Kate.
KATE
Where are you?
RANDALL
I’m in Lansing, Michigan trying to
fix things with June, but she won’t
talk to me. Where are you?
KATE
I-
RANDALL
I’m gonna come find you, okay?
KATE
Well, I’m in Illinois. I could be
ready by tomorrow. Yeah I’m-
YULE
(kneels down to pray)
Dearest Father, as a sinner I come
to You for your grace and
guidance...
RANDALL
(on phone)
They’re finally seeing it. They’re
finally seeing it. THERE IT IS.
MONTAGE: The bright flash of the comet fills the screen. A woman in a coffee shop looks up in awe.
The side profile of a statue. Two hippoes play fighting. A baby cooing. Crowd at a religious temple praying.
CUT TO:
A video with Kate and Randall talking right into camera is being re-diddled like crazy. 100k shares... 1 mill...5 mill
KATE (SOT)
Go outside - into your yard, on
your roof, onto your sidewalk, and
just look up into the sky...
RANDALL (SOT)
...The star’s going to appear
fuzzy. It’s got a long streak
coming off of it. That’s the
comet’s tail.
KATE (SOT)
It’s real and it’s coming. If
anyone tells you any different,
they’re full of shit. Just look up
into the sky!
MORE VIDEOS
OTHER VIDEOS FROM AROUND THE WORLD ARE POSTED on Diddly, Vroom Vroom, Friend Post urging people to Just Look Up.
RILEY BINA
Guys, please just look up, okay?
Screw the manatees and just look
up!
PEOPLE yell into their cell phones.
PEOPLE
Just Look Up!
Hearts, thumbs up, thumbs down, shares, smiley faces are clicked and dinged as comments and articles shoot around the world: “Holy shit. It’s real.” “Autopsy: President Orlean Plays Defense on the Comet” “Anyone else shitting themselves?”
Randall is with SAMMY the puppet and two child actors.
SAMMY PUPPET
Dr. Mindy, the President’s plan to
save Earth and make it so that we
can all have a home is going to
work, right?
RANDALL
Every single man, woman and child
on this planet is going to die.
CHILD ACTOR
I don’t like him. He makes me sad.
RANDALL
I’m sorry about that.
PUPPETEER
Um, yeah, this is not what we
rehearsed...
RANDALL
Kids, listen. You tell your parents
that President Orlean and Isherwell
are sociopaths and fascists!
President Orlean is on stage. Speaking to a crowd of 20 thousand supporters. Cheers and applause fill the stadium.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
You know why they want you to look
up? Do you know why? Because they
want you to be afraid! They want
you to look up because they are
looking down their noses at you.
They think they’re better than you.
Videos pop up on Vroom Vroom and a variety of other sites.
GUYS IN A HUDDLE
Don’t Look Up! Don’t Look Up! Don’t
Look Up!
DUDE ON DIDDLY
They want to rob you of your
freedom. And that’s a fact!
MORE GUYS IN A HUDDLE
Don’t Look Up! Don’t Look Up! Don’t
Look Up!
A live stream flooded with comments pops up with famous celebrity RAGHAV.
RAGHAV
The U.S. President, Orlean, has not
included India or any other nation
in the world to be a part of this
mission.
Video of DUDE ON DIDDLY pops back up holding up the magazine with Randall on the cover.
DUDE ON DIDDLY
This dude is a known pornographer
named Kip...
Another Diddly Video pops up of the FRENCH PRIME MINISTER.
FRENCH PRIME MINISTER
The United Nations have been
considering its own deflective
mission.
Back to RAGHAV.
RAGHAV
Just Look Up, for fuck’s sake!
DEVIN PETERS talks to an ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALIST with a TOTAL DEVASTATION poster behind him.
ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALIST
Now I know a lot of Hollywood is
supporting the Just Look Up
movement but I haven’t seen a pin
like that.
DEVIN PETERS
Yeah, this pin points up and down.
Because I think, as a country, we
need to stop arguing and “virtue
signaling.” Just get along.
ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALIST
That is sooo refreshing. I think
we’re all tired of the politics.
DEVIN PETERS
Yeah. That’s why we made Total
Devastation. It’s for everyone, you
know? It’s a popcorn movie.
President Orlean is still on stage.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
You keep your eye on the road
ahead, you put your head down. And
you put one foot in front of the
other, step by step. Day by day!
The sign outside of the stadium reads, “THE FOR REAL LAST CONCERT TO SAVE THE WORLD.”
Randall and Kate speak into the mic to 120 THOUSAND FANS CHEERING.
RANDALL
So we want to say something loud
and clear. There is no safe way to
bring this comet back to Earth and
exploit it for profit. It cannot be
done! Nations of the world, defy
Orlean and BASH! Launch your own
nuclear deflection mission now and
save this planet!
KATE
And now, uh, Riley Bina with her
special guest!
RANDALL
(whispering to Kate)
Yeah I forgot the name.
(back to the crowd)
Thank you!
Cheering. Lights come up. There’s live stream comments that pop up on screen. Crowd goes crazy. Riley Bina is there with her band in a stunning outfit floating down onto the stage.
THEY KICK INTO AN ORIGINAL SONG “JUST LOOK UP.”
Kate and Randall watch from just off stage.
President Orlean is still on stage. Jason is speaking to the crowd.
JASON
Is that a rock-solid ten smokeshow
of a President or what? If she
wasn’t my mother... There’s three
types of American people. There are
you, the working class. Us, the
cool rich, and then them. I’m
sorry, but we need them. We need
them because you build us up to
fight them. The working class, the
lower. You understand?
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
No, I don’t get it.
JASON
Do you understand? I’m talking
about nutritionists. I’m talking
about personal trainers. People at
the spa, but not the ones that
check you in and not the masseuses
but they walk you down the
corridor. They’re there...
ORIGINAL SONG “JUST LOOK UP” continues. DJ Chello enters the stage to rap his verse.
Dr. Oglethorpe and a crowd of students protest in the hallway of an administrative building.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Divest from BASH when?
PROTESTORS
Divest now!
DR. OGLETHORPE
Divest from BASH when?
PROTESTORS
Divest now!
Teddy gets escorted out by campus police.
DR. OGLETHORPE
We will not be quiet!
ORIGINAL SONG “JUST LOOK UP” continues. DJ Chello wraps up his verse and Riley sings the bridge.
Cut to Kate and Yule spray painting “JUST LOOK UP” on the window of a bank as the song continues.
CUT TO:
Dr. Oglethorpe picks up a call.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Hey, good afternoon, Adam. What do
I owe the pleasure of this call?
His face falls.
DR. OGLETHORPE (CONT'D)
What time?
Quick cut to VT: HELICOPTER FOOTAGE OF A GIANT CLOUD OVER A RUSSIAN BASE.
DR. OGLETHORPE (CONT'D)
Well uh... well, thank you for
calling.
He hangs up. A grim look on his face. The rest of the team continues to work. Kate looks up and walks over.
KATE
What? What?
Randall walks up.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Orlean and BASH cut Russia, India,
and China out of the rights for the
minerals. So they tried their own
joint deflection mission.
But approximately 40 minutes ago a
massive explosion was detected at
the Russian’s Baikonur launch
complex. It looks like the mission
failed.
The bustling office goes quiet.
RANDALL
That’s it?
KATE
Wait, what do you mean “that’s it?”
Teddy?
DR. OGLETHORPE
There’s still the BASH mission.
It’s all we have now.
Randall walks away from Kate and Dr. Oglethorpe.
RANDALL
FUCK!!!!!
Congressman Tenant with Dan Pawketty, Jason Orlean, and KID ROCK (look alike) speak to a giant crowd wearing the “Don’t Look Up” red, white and blue caps.
CONGRESSMAN TENANT
These “Just Look Uppers” want
millions of illegal Chileans to
come across the border! Don’t Look
Up! Don’t Look Up!
CRANE ARM DOWN to one LOYAL SUPPORTER, early 20s in a Don’t Look Up hat, as he looks back up over his shoulder for JUST A SECOND.
LOYAL SUPPORTER
What?
(and then louder)
What the hell is that!?
Crowd hushes and starts to turn around and look up. In the sky is a GIANT GLOWING BALL a fifth the size of the moon.
LOYAL SUPPORTER (CONT'D)
Fucking lied to us!
Crowd starts to murmur. Jason runs up to the mic.
JASON
The President just texted me.
“Don’t trip. It’s all good. Don’t
trip.”
The crowd shouts and boos over him. A BOTTLE HITS JASON in the head cutting him. More bottles and caps start to rain down.
JASON (CONT'D)
You cut my face, you fucking
rednecks!
Jason storms off stage, clutching his face.
Randall, Kate and Yule drive back to the Midwest. The highway is completely empty. A pack of deer sprint across.
YULE
Man, there hasn’t been a car in
like, an hour.
RANDALL
Everyone’s watching the BASH
launch.
KATE
And what are we doing again?
RANDALL
I already told you. We are going to
go buy some groceries.
MUSIC: TILL THEN by the Mills Brothers plays on the radio.
Randall turns it up.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
The Mills Brothers. Great band. You
know, Duke Ellington found this
band. I think they were originally
called the Four Kings of Harmony.
The song continues as they listen silently.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
“Till Then,” this is the song. It’s
about soldiers going off to World
War II and thinking about home.
Listen to this part.
The song plays as Randall recites the lyrics.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Although there are oceans we must
cross and mountains that we must
climb, I know every gain must have
a loss. So pray that our loss is
nothing but time.
YULE
Kate, I gotta ask you something.
KATE
What?
YULE
Dr. Mindy, can I be vulnerable in
your car?
RANDALL
Yeah, go ahead.
YULE
I’ve met a lot of people, and I’ve
never met anyone like you. And I
feel a connection to you on a level
that... I don’t know. I haven’t
felt with anyone else. And going
out on a limb, but would you want
to spend more time together? Maybe
even get engaged or something?
Kate smiles to herself and chuckles.
YULE (CONT'D)
Are you laughing? No?
KATE
I’m smiling. Well sure, why not?
RANDALL
Wow. Well this is sweet. This is
pretty sweet.
Quick cut to a CU of the comet, hurtling over the screen.
President Orlean, Jason and Peter Isherwell in the command center.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
And you read the tea leaves for Dr.
Mindy. You showed him the
algorithm. You really shook him
with that information. How he was
going to die.
PETER ISHERWELL
Yeah, it is shaking.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
It got me so excited to know about
my own death. I don’t think I want
to know. Yes, I do. I want to know.
PETER ISHERWELL
You’re going to be eaten by a
Bronteroc. We don’t know what it
means.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
A what?
PETER ISHERWELL
A Bronteroc.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Oh.
The FLIGHT DIRECTOR calls out the mission.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Okay people, we have clear skies
and are a go for the BEAD launch.
Madam President?
President Orlean puts on her head set.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Citizens of Planet Earth. Now...
Randall, Kate and Yule are grocery shopping.
RANDALL
Look at this, Kate. They have wild
salmon. Look at the difference
between that and the farm-raised
stuff. You see how that looks
just... I don’t know. Looks fake,
right?
Hey, why don’t you go find some...
what are the little potatoes
called, the tiny ones?
KATE
Fingerling potatoes?
RANDALL
Yeah, let’s get-
YULE
I fucking love fingerling potatoes!
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Do you want to say something too?
JASON
Yeah. What up, world? Jason Orlean,
Chief of Staff. United States. I’ve
been noticing a lot of prayers
recently for people during this
time, and I commend that. But I
also wanna give a prayer for stuff.
There’s dope stuff, like material
stuff. Like sick apartments and
cars and clothes and shit.
Cut to a U.S. Soldier watching on a small TV.
Then to a family in a modest kitchen with a TV that is staticy.
JASON (V.O) (CONT'D)
That could all go away, and I don’t
wanna see that stuff go away.
A giant crowd watches a projected screen of the launch in a park.
JASON (V.O.)
So I’m gonna say a prayer for that
stuff. Amen.
A family of 5 watches TV with a grim seriousness.
ANCHOR (V.O.)
Just a quiet trepidation among this
much smaller crowd... I can hear
the sounds of some people praying.
PETER ISHERWELL
Okay, Anderson. Let’s go get it.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Yes, sir. Here we go, people. 10,
9, 8...
Quick cuts to a woman watching her TV on the verge of tears. Another woman looks up into the sky. Cars honk. A baby cries. A full church of people pray. A street riot.
Randall with Kate and Yule behind him carrying lots of groceries approach his family home. He knocks.
June answers the door and sees Randall.
RANDALL
Hey.
JUNE
Hi.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Liftoff!
Monitors show the BEAD drones lift off. President Orlean and Jason watch in awe.
RANDALL
We got some groceries.
Monitors show the BEAD drones flames under tail lifting off. One screen shows a drone explode.
JASON
Yo, what was that?
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
We’ve lost BEAD number 12.
Another MISSION TECH yells out from across the room.
MISSION TECH
BEAD number 22 failed to launch.
PETER ISHERWELL
It’s fine. We anticipated a margin
of error. Everything is fine!
RANDALL
I was hoping we could have a family
dinner.
Randall’s sons are inside in the living room watching the launch.
EVAN MARSHALL
Hey Dad! Hey it’s Dad! Dad!
Long beat as June considers.
RANDALL
What do you say?
June nods.
JUNE
Yeah.
RANDALL
Thank you... this is Kate.
YULE
Nice to meet you, I’m Yule. I’m
FirePuma142 on Twitch. You game?
KATE
I’m really doubtful she knows.
JUNE
Who said I game?
Randall holds up a bouquet of flowers.
RANDALL
I got these for you.
JUNE
Thank you, that’s really sweet,
honey.
Randall hugs June for a long time.
RANDALL
I’m so sorry. You have no idea. I
really am.
JUNE
I know. I’ve missed you.
RANDALL
I missed you so much.
JUNE
When we dated in college I fucked
Aaron Tran.
RANDALL
Oh?
They hug again.
Turkey is being put in the oven. Stuffing made. Kate is putting a dry rub on the Salmon. Yule is dicing carrots. The table is set.
Teddy pops in holding a bottle of wine.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Heyyyy everyone! Sorry I’m late but
not empty-handed.
Randall embraces him. June says hello.
The drone satellites tear towards the heavens.
The BEAD drones approach the comet.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
BEADS have approached optimal
escape velocity.
They’re now approaching Comet
Dibiasky and are ready for
attachment mode.
The BEADS spread out and their hooked drill arm extends. TWO MORE OF THE BEADS FAIL TO ATTACH and spin away from the comet into each other EXPLODING.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
BEADS 8 and 27 are lost due to
lateral control malfunction.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Okay so now, Peter, we’re six
drones down. Is this thing still
gonna work?
PETER ISHERWELL
Well, the engineer’s assured me
that yes, 24 drones is enough.
JASON
How many can we lose?
PETER ISHERWELL
(hesitates)
How many more?
Harrison Telms reports on the launch.
HARRISON TELMS
We’re being told that several of
the BEADS have exploded on launch.
Randall turns off the news coverage in the living room and goes back to where the group is seated for dinner. A beautiful turkey and salmon, carrots etc. on the table. The Mindy’s and Kate, Yule and Teddy all take their seats.
RANDALL
Teddy, you’ve got the head seat
right there.
DR. OGLETHORPE
You’re way too kind, Randall. Thank
you.
RANDALL
Cheers everyone, huh?
KATE
Cheers. Thank you so much for
having us.
JUNE
Thank you for being here. It’s so
special.
A CU of the coment. Remaining BEAD drones are attached. They drill into the comet.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR (V.O.)
Commence simultaneous explosive
separation stage...
This is it. The BEADS EXPLODE IN A GIANT FLASH.
Everyone is super tense. President Orlean gasps as the explosion occurs.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Beautiful.
RANDALL
Thank you, pal.
JUNE
It really is. And it’s really good
to have you home.
KATE
Dr. Mindy got really famous.
RANDALL
(smiling)
Oh. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
That’s right, okay. I was on
magazine covers and everything. I
know. I’ll take your shots.
Everyone laughs. Randall kisses June.
JUNE
I love you.
RANDALL
I love you, too.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Still waiting for a full status
report on the explosive devices.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
(just to Isherwell)
President Xi of China just texted
me. The comet is still whole.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
We’re seeing four misfires and sync
was off...
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
(just to Isherwell)
It’s still intact...
PETER ISHERWELL
Okay... We’re all fine. Everyone’s
fine. If you’ll excuse me. Nature
calls. I’m going to the restroom
for a moment.
Isherwell leaves the room.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Yes, I think that I should also
step out to the restroom for a
moment.
She also leaves.
JASON
(to President Orlean)
Should I...?
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
No I’ll be right back.
The Flight Director turns to where the President should be. Only Jason is there.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
(to Jason)
Sir, the President. We need to know
what the mission status is.
JASON
She’s coming right back.
A Command Tech stands up.
COMMAND TECH
Screw this! I’m going to see my
husband!
She runs out. Some other people start to run out too.
FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Sorry, I’ve got a 20-year-old
daughter. I’ve got to go see her.
The rest of the crew clamors in panic.
MAN
I’m doing an 8-ball!
President Orlean is on her satellite phone.
Randall moves towards their phone. INTERCUT
RANDALL
I got it!
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Hello. There’s a ship.
(let’s it sit there)
In case we were wrong. And clearly
we were wrong.
RANDALL
Of course you have a ship.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
It holds 2,000. It has state of the
art cryo-chambers and it’s set to
find the nearest earth like planet
in a goldilocks zone. There’s room
for you and one other. Brie, your
wife. Your call.
RANDALL
I’m good, but thank you for the
offer. You have fun with Jason.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Jason?
She realizes who he is talking about.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN (CONT'D)
Oh shit.
Jason is still seated. The control center is almost empty.
JASON
She’s coming back.
Frightened neighbors watch the comet in the sky.
Everyone at the table has joined hands and are giving thanks.
EVAN
I’m thankful for that night I fell
asleep out in the backyard. Woke up
face-to-face with a baby deer.
RANDALL
I remember that.
EVAN
Yep. It was the best day of my
life.
Randall and June kiss.
KATE
I’m grateful...
(long beat)
I’m grateful we tried.
Beat.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Man, oh, man, did we try.
RANDALL
Well, we’re not the most religious
here in the Mindy household... but,
um, maybe we should say “amen”?
Should we do that?
JUNE
Don’t look at me. I don’t know how
to... What, do you just say,
“Amen?” I don’t...
YULE
I got this. I got it.
(into a beautiful prayer)
Dearest Father and almighty
creator, we ask for your grace
despite our pride, your forgiveness
despite our doubt and most of all,
your love to sooth our fears in
these dark times. May we face your
divine will with courage and open
hearts of acceptance. In your
name... Amen.
DR. OGLETHORPE
Damn. Yule’s got some church game.
KATE
That was... beautiful.
CUT TO:
Harrison Telms reports.
HARRISON TELMS
The comet remains intact.
A few CREW MEMBERS RUN past camera.
HARRISON TELMS (CONT'D)
We just never...
He shakes his head. The set is empty.
DAN PAWKETTY
Of course, there’s only one story
everyone’s talking about tonight.
Topless urgent care centers.
We pan over New York City which is in chaos. Traffic, fires, violence, sex, etc.
Jack sits drinking a giant tumbler of tequila at an empty bar with chairs knocked over and the bar mirror cracked.
Brie enters looking disheveled.
JACK BREMMER
Sit. We can fuck... or pray?
BRIE EVANTEE
Honestly I’d rather just drink and
talk shit about people.
Jack goes to pour Brie a drink. She takes the bottle from him and downs it.
Drask is firing a machine gun at the sky and screaming. When it’s out he takes out his hand gun and fires it at the sky.
BENEDICT DRASK
AHHHHH!!! You’ll never take me
alive!
The COMET BEGINS ENTERING EARTH’S ATMOSPHERE WITH INCREDIBLE VELOCITY (30 THOUSAND FEET A SECOND). Violent RIPPLES SPREAD OUT and a bright light flares from the FIRE CREATED BY THE FRICTION OF ITS ENTRY.
As the comet makes impact, intercut shots of people watching in shock and disbelief. A couple has sex. A Vegas wedding. A baby taking a bath. A polar bear jumping to a new ice cap. A bee flying in a garden.
Everyone is enjoying dessert. The HOUSE IS NOW SHUDDERING.
MARSHALL
I’m going to have some more of that
apple pie. It’s really good.
KATE
It’s actually store bought, but you
really can’t tell.
DR. OGLETHORPE
If I’m being really honest, which
at this moment why not, I like the
junky taste of store bought better
than homemade.
RANDALL
You gotta be kidding me.
DR. OGLETHORPE
No, I’m not kidding.
JUNE
I know what he means. It’s a
childhood memory thing or something-
THE COMET RIPS THROUGH THE SKY LIKE FABRIC BEING TORN.
The COMET is a fiery behemoth in the sky. People run and flee. Fiery explosions rain down.
THE HOUSE IS SHAKING VIOLENTLY.
KATE
This coffee doesn’t taste store-
bought. Is it?
RANDALL
Never. I always grind my own beans.
MARSHALL
Yeah, Dad’s kind of a coffee nut.
YULE
Every time you have coffee, you
have to grind your own beans?
JUNE
It’s true. Randall is very
particular about his coffee.
KATE
I can get that way about tea.
RANDALL
The thing is, we really did have
everything, didn’t we? I mean, when
you think about it.
BOOM. We go SLO MO as the room collapses and disintegrates.
SPACE SHOT OF EARTH AS THE COMET IMPACTS. GIANT PLUMES OF MAGMA SHOOT INTO THE SKY.
SHOCKWAVES SPREAD ACROSS THE PLANET.
A CHUNK OF THE EARTH SPLITS OFF.
Incredible amounts of DEBRIS, ROCK, CARS, DIRT, AND TREES PLUME OUT in the massive explosion.
We weave and snake through pieces of buildings, Kate’s diet app announces her diet is over, a photo of President Orlean and Steven Segal. We catch a glint of metal...
Amidst the chaos ONE SPACESHIP NAVIGATES ITS WAY OUT.
As it passes us by a small BASH logo is visible on its side.
It soars out into the infinity of space. Leaving behind the new comet field that used to be planet earth.
The SHIP ENTERS THE ATMOSPHERE AND LANDS IN A CLEARING OF BRIGHT GREEN AND PURPLE GRASS surrounded oddly shaped but verdant trees.
A group of 7 HALF DEER/HALF BIRDS leap past frame.
The door on the ship OPENS with a hiss.
PAN past all the cryo-chambers showing the names of their occupants: INTER-BANK Jill Arnold, TEXCON OIL Ted Biles, VENDEL LOBBYING Lewis Grandy
The cryo chambers calculate and finally OPEN.
Slowly the naked and dazed CEOs, Lobbyists and Elected Officials begin to emerge from the ship. Most are in their late 60s and 70s. They groan, stretch and wipe their eyes.
Isherwell checks an atmospheric gauge.
PETER ISHERWELL
Oxygen is higher than on earth by 9
percent everyone so you might feel
a bit light headed.
(checks more data)
Cryo-chambers were 58 percent
successful which is much better
than anticipated.
President Orlean, nude and with a lower back tattoo of a string of roses and guns, is there.
JANIE ORLEAN
We only had 47 dead in our section,
so...
PETER ISHERWELL
(looking around at the world)
I think this will work quite well.
Quite well indeed...
PRESIDENT ORLEAN
Goodness. Look at that beautiful
animal. I wonder, are those
feathers or are they scales or-
President Orlean walks toward a feathered bear type creature 20 yards away. It immediately ATTACKS and kills her.
PRESIDENT ORLEAN (CONT'D)
(horrific scream)
CONGRESSMAN TENANT
What is that thing?
PETER ISHERWELL
I believe that’s called a
Brontaroc. Uh... whatever you do
don’t pet them!
The Bronterocs run towards them in a pack as we pull out.
END.
AFTER CREDITS
There is rubble everywhere. Ash falls from the sky. Everything is devastation.
Some rubble moves and a cut and dusty Jason Orlean emerges. Slowly he stands.
He might be the last living human.
JASON
Mom... Mom!!!!!
He looks around and pulls out his phone.
JASON (CONT'D)
What’s up, y’all? I’m the last man
on Earth. Shit’s all fucked up.
Don’t forget to like and subscribe.
We out here. Mom!
OUT
THE END