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turning to page one
A big, impressive suite with the lights out. We hear laughter and the door opens. It’s Randall, in a tuxedo and Brie Evantee in a stunning gown.
BRIE EVANTEE
So, I thought it was the
ambassador. I was flattering him!
RANDALL
Well he was the waiter and now he’s
got an ego the size of Texas.
They turn on the lights. JUNE, RANDALL’S WIFE IS ON THE COUCH WITH A BAG OF LUGGAGE NEXT TO HER.
RANDALL (CONT'D)
Oh my god. June. What are you doing
here sweetie.
JUNE
I had a feeling something was going
on.
RANDALL
Well you know we’re discussing
important business. That’s what
we’re doing.
JUNE
Oh yeah, that’s really very
important.
BRIE EVANTEE
Can we just skip past this whole
part please, where you get to feel
self-righteous and we put our tails
between our legs? It’s so boring.
JUNE
You want to skip the part where you
feel bad for screwing my husband.
BRIE EVANTEE
Oh I don’t feel bad. Randall and I
are having a wonderful time. So I
think the question is: do we keep
having a wonderful time or does he
go back with you to Wisconsin? Or
Montana? Or Michigan?
RANDALL
Michigan.
Beat.
JUNE
You know what? She’s actually
right. That is the only question.
So...
RANDALL
Well June, sweetie. Sometimes
things in life, they’re, you know,
complicated and they just-
JUNE
Oh, ok, that was fast. Before I go
let me give you some instructions
on how to take care of Randall-
She comes out of the bathroom holding a bunch of prescription pill bottles.
JUNE (CONT'D)
Here’s the Xanax he takes for his
panic attacks...
She throws the bottle at them, pills fly everywhere.
JUNE (CONT'D)
Here’s the Zoloft he takes to curb
the crashing depressions...
RANDALL
Not so much recently.
She throws the bottle. More pills fly.
JUNE
Oh, good for you!This is for his
blood pressure. Restless Leg
Syndrome. Appetite suppressant to
counteract appetite gain from his
other meds. And yeah, for America’s
Sexiest Scientist, a bottle of
goddamn Cialis!
The last bottle hits Randall right on the head.
JUNE (CONT'D)
Goodbye. Goodbye Randall! I’ll tell
your sons Dad’s fucking the lady on
our television!
RANDALL
June, I-
BRIE EVANTEE
I really thought for a second that
was gonna work out.
They’re gone.
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